Reflecting On A Big Year
As this year draws to a conclusion, I look back at the times that have evolved since then, to realize that this year has been a big one. Not only job wise where my first job came in the early stages of the year, but my first real girlfriend this year, my first year of saving, buying lots of things and having lots of time with my friends. I can still remember the mischief I caused with my friends near the start of this year and towards the middle before meeting Lyssa.
This year I gathered my thoughts and I know what I want to do. For a while after school I had no clue on what I was going to do. But after some reasoning and respectable conflict with my thoughts, answers have been flowing through my mind.
I know what I’m capable of but I know that I must still learn. In that respect, I know that an Audio Engineering Course early next year will benefit me in the career that I want to be in.
Next year I will be almost at my peak. Buying a car, saving money and starting my Song Writing Career. If this all falls back on me, I’ve always got a normal job to go to but I can’t forget my dreams and “Visions”.
Yesteryear were the days of bodybuilding, nothing much Fredered. Now things have changed as I’ve taken on a more subtle approach to my feelings and needs. This year was a new man, a new look and next year will be just the same, the same man in a different look.
Lyssa Makes Some Unusual Plans
Today at Martinson Engineering as I walked for lunch I called Lyssa. She told me how she had a great time last night. It made me think when last night she told me that people usually go up to her and try to come onto her, but she always backs away. I figure she’s only got so much willpower, she will give in one day to someone she thinks is better than me, at least on the day.
Last night she didn’t only go to Bradbury Pub but then they drove to the City and danced at The Temple. Taken back a little when she told me, I asked her if she had a good time.
Lyssa will probably be staying over my house tonight. Just thinking back to the first time Lyssa stayed over my house. The reason she stayed was because of our first real argument together. I asked her to stay after we made up. She made it out as a hassle and not that big of a deal, and stayed anyway.
Scenarios When We Break Up
Also on my mind today was when Lyssa and I do split up. Lyssa doesn’t really seem to think that we’ll be together for more than a year, so I’m trying to think what it would be like without Lyssa. I’m wondering if we’ll still talk to each other, though not every night but occasionally ring each other up.
Lyssa would probably never call me. It would have to be up to me to keep the relationship flowing. But apart from the telephone, if we break up, I don’t have any ties with her or her friends. I don’t really hang out with any of them, but Lyssa. Everyone else is distant. So if we broke up, we would never make an effort to see each other as friends. So I guess we would slowly drift apart.
I don’t even know if Lyssa would want me to call her after we have broken up. It’s apparent to her that if people break up it’s obvious that they had an argument and shouldn’t be together after that anyway. Also, if I call Jewell and probably go out with her again, devote my time to her, will Lyssa get frustrated? Of course she will.
Even after we have broken up, after all we’ve been through, we will still have emotion for each other, still hold dear what has been done. That’s how I feel for Jewell and she feels that about me, so that’s how Lyssa and I will feel.
I’m not sure how it will end but it will be because of an argument. We will argue, then think to ourselves. Then after we have sort of made up, one of us will mention breaking up as to keep our relationship on a good level. Breaking up and becoming friends is better than just hate after all.
The Reason For The Diary
I do write a great deal don’t I. Every day for over a year and a half I’ve been typing away at a computer explaining my life in detail for hopes that some day I can look back at my Scriptures to laugh, cry and think of how my days were, of how it all began.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
