The Three Tenders Of Time – Mad Chaos: February 19, 1998

Pulling A Gaming Marathon

With time of the essence, let me tell of the rest of my day.  I’m not sure how this will compare but let me give a try.  Waking up on Wednesday morning I remember that the night before I was playing games until 4:30am.

Lyssa called me from work and told me how $50 went missing and she was upset because it was on her desk.  Her boss and almost everyone firmly believe that she didn’t take the money.  Lyssa had to cash money today and had to carry $4,000 in cash back to her office in an envelope, and pay for one of the partners at her office.

Lonestar Dinner With Lyssa

Back at home I got ready to meet Lyssa in Campbelltown as we were eating at Lonestar.  All ready, I walked to Campbelltown with some nice clothes on and met with Lyssa at the train station.  Embracing and giving her a kiss, we walked towards Campbelltown where she had to take some money out. 

From there we walked to Lonestar, where we sat down at a booth and decided to order.  Lyssa and I were very talkative while having some Amarillo Cheese Fries.  She told me about the money problem at work.  Some guys were also staring at her in the City as she walked past to deliver the DX.  I also told Lyssa that I might be calling Jewell tonight.  She was alright with that.

Coming out of Lonestar we walked to the station where Lyssa and I had to catch our buses.  As I sat with Lyssa I realized my bus had passed me and I had to wait another hour.  Lyssa and I were surprised.  Lyssa wanted to stay with me for another hour but I put her on the next bus so we could talk on the phone. 

Another thing that Lyssa told me while we were waiting for our bus was of Ali.  It seems that before, Ali used to drive past my house in the desperate chance that he might see me and talk to me.  Ali used to drive, and still does, to places where I would be in Campbelltown in the slight chance that he might bump into me.  I thought that was “True Friend” material but I hear that even though he knows that he was the problem that night, he probably won’t apologize for his actions.  I’m not sure.

Running After Lyssa’s Bus

Lyssa ran to the back of the bus with a smile on her face, as I kept jumping near the rear of the bus to catch a glimpse.  The bus started moving and Lyssa was glued to the back seat facing me with a big smile on her face and waving goodbye to me.  All the way to the end of that road I waved to her and then ran through the taxi clearway to get to the other side of the road.  The bus came up this way.  I continued waving at Lyssa, so did she. 

Following her towards Queen Street, I kept waving to her running in pursuit of the bus.  As the bus turned into Queen Street I lost sight of her.  After a little laugh I began my walking trek home.

Discuss Jewell With Lyssa

Home at 8:30pm I gave Lyssa a call.  At first we talked about the call I was going to give Jewell.  Then I basically told her our past history and how I didn’t call Jewell for a couple of months. 

Calling Jewell a couple of weeks before I got together with Lyssa I didn’t want to break Jewell’s heart by telling her I had a girlfriend, so I didn’t call.  Then Kofi told me how she was very upset.  A week after I was going out with Lyssa I gave Jewell a call.  After that it’s been almost every second week that I’ve been calling her.

After that conversation Lyssa asked if I have any feelings for Jewell.  I told her only as friends right now.  Lyssa got upset at that question as I soothed her mind.  Right now I guess I need a chocolate girl.  The conversation finished ten minutes before I called Jewell.

The Three Tenders Of Time

Jewell and I got talking tonight after I thought I should give her a call, since it’s been so long.  After all, the mind can’t wander too far before it relishes on the three tenders of time. 

Speaking from the mouth of Jewell and quoting her words, “Time is like a monument, it just stands there for all to see.”  Time is so harsh, as is realized by the expressionism that has happened tonight over the phone. 

I’ve learnt some things from this conversation.  One was that Jewell and I are very alike but different in our ways.  I’m a man of words and explanation is better sought through words and poems by mouth.  Jewell has a form of expression that is also unique and harnesses all words within a visual perspective.  To Jewell, visual art is the poem that is embedded on paper and both forms are captured within the mind and thought.

Discover Why Jewell Dumped Me

At first Jewell and I were talking as per usual, conversation was hello’s and how are yous.  From there it escalated into uncharted territory once again, as we somehow opened a topic on if Jewell was upset at any time in our relationship.  I told her that I wasn’t until the end and I knew what would upset her. 

Jewell didn’t want to delve too far but after an eternal silence, Jewell finally told me that she was angry because I had moved on when I did.  After some in depth conversation, Jewell told me the reasons she dumped me like she did.

Jewell sometimes didn’t understand some things I would say to her and thoughts that would be in my mind.  She didn’t think that (back then) I would be serious about the thoughts that were in my mind.  So every day I would go home or get off the telephone she would think, and think, and think… never fully understanding or contemplating what my thoughts were. 

Because she had never received attention like that before, she was unsure of herself and didn’t think it was real, like a fantasy.  Because of that we broke up like we did.  She didn’t want a last hug, a last kiss and broke all ties but wanted to remain as one.  Still she couldn’t let go.

What was, for that short period of time in my life?  Was it some grand image?  Was it of the past as every minute turns to face back and you are only left of an image, a portrayal in your mind, a contribution to your memory?  For a memory can only be remembered for a reason, and I do…  so, with none to remember but a memory, intertwined in a thought we both were, and for that reason we couldn’t let go.

Jewell Appreciated My Contribution

Jewell told me that after she had let me go, she was so sad, and I wasn’t the only one hurt.  Jewell would cry without me and blame herself for what she had done.  Only after was I gone, she had realized what a contributionI had made to her life and how real what we had between us was.  But it was too late. 

In my mind I couldn’t understand.  Unlike Jewell I could not visualize what had happened but only send words from the past.  To tell myself the truth, I’ve been living in the past with Jewell the last year. 

I can’t move forward until we are one, so all we can do is reminisce.

Too Immature To Love

Asking Jewell why she dumped me she was in tears at the thought.  She remarked that she was pushing me away.  It was too soon and it wasn’t the right time for us both, which I agree on myself.  Jewell couldn’t tell me the full reason she dumped me but I had a feeling she dumped me because of the love she had for me.  I guess love works in mysterious ways.

Jewell then told me about the letters I had written for her including the most recent.  On her walls she has devoted space for my poems all adorned in a private picturesque.  It meant so much to finally learn that my poems ever since they have been received have been appreciated so much that they have been placed where they are. 

Poems That Inspire Artwork

My newest poem, one I wrote when I was still working at Martinson Engineering on my last days was given to Jewell.  I was told how Jewell wanted to quote from my poem to make a visual art piece.  Jewell told me how all my poems have been an inspiration to her.  With the most recent poem, she was inspired to make a three-dimensional art project.

What the project involves is pieces of the poem broken up into three portions, past, present and future as it is outlined in my poem.  Let me just recite my poem before I move on…

There are many untruths written on my hands, many stories which hath embedded sculptures doust and in every intricate detail.

Hands of purity these were and that which have swept its enormity and have flowed through my veins with only thee, a memory of when these hands that were so pure in essence were unscathed.

No battles torn a scar and no hatred spoken to the four evil winds.

These hands as torn as do I bleed, bearing flesh and upon pain does manifest, like a river, a stream to a pool of water, to stop and see the stain of a rose, blood coursed as petals begin to fall.

Swept thee memories away of a field once full of grass so green and blissful in the presence of nature and none can imagine the beauty, none…

Remembrance as do I bleed for all the right reasons, or for wrong…

As the petals of the Rose doust fall to the ground, so to an image will appear, fair of a stem that was lifeless and blind to color, of an innocence that was sought and distressed.

The river does flow eternally and does the water run dry, and that of a petal from a Rose, to care for and nurture, make pure once again, healing the flow of blood as a vision of the past.  Forth has been forgotten, as the hands so sovereign that hath battled and bled, hath healed.

Of the Nineteenth year, forth to thee fourteenth hour, as the ninth month forth to thee sixteenth day, Forth to the fifth minute of yonder as the eighteenth is the signature of my hand.

Now, as an inspiration, there will be three podiums on which there will be three differently sculptured hands, each holding a rose.  The first podium will be dressed with just color and will be the second tallest podium.  The hand will be sat outstretched and just touching a seedling of a rose signifying the start of our relationship. 

As expressionism, the hand is outstretched touching the beginning of the Rose in the first stages of our relationship.  It shows that our relationship was “Just there” but there wasn’t enough or it wasn’t right to be fully grown, as the rose was not fully blossomed and had many thorns.

In the middle is the lowest podium and has blood coursed down towards the floor.  Dripping pools of blood will be on the floor.  Written on the ground within the blood will be the word from my poem “Remembrance”, for as I quote myself “Remembrance as do I bleed for all the right reasons, or for wrong.”

The hand on the second podium will be dead, slouched over itself and far away from the rose that has begun to blossom.  The hand itself is bleeding and will have great depth in detail of pain manifested and bearing flesh.  The second podium will indeed be the most graphic and most significant.

The third and last podium will be held the highest and will have vines all engraved within it growing towards the hand and stemming onto a fully matured rose.  The hand will have full grasp of the rose and the relationship between the rose (who is Jewell) and the hand (who represents me), will have blossomed and come full circle.

The whole structure will stand life sized.  Jewell has until the end of the year to do it.

Time Is Like A Monument

Jewell asked for my permission so she can go ahead because she is indirectly quoting my work.  As she says, it could not have happened and these thoughts and ideas would not have been in my head without your inspiration and your work.  That has inspired me so much now to think of the possibilities and different variations of this visual art.  Myself, I am inspired by her ideas so much that I want to draw the image on paper, or on computer, see what I can come up with.

The conversation started at 9:30pm.  Jewell and I didn’t finish talking until 1am.  I guess we had a lot to talk about and plenty to catch up on.  I know one thing.  Whatever I come up with on paper regarding Jewell’s vision will fail in comparison to what she will accomplish.  I might have put the passion there and given color, but Jewell will be remarkable and place her brilliance, capture the moment. 

Quote “Time is like a monument, it just stands there for all to see”

Planning For Sydney

Right now I have to get ready to visit Lyssa in the City tomorrow.  In the morning, I have to wake up at 10am to meet Lyssa for lunch at 1pm in the City.  I’ve got over half an hour or more to muck around with the idea that Jewell told me of.