An English Salon Class With Amy
As an English teacher in China, Guangzhou, teaching English to Chinese students at World International English and Hampson English, I often introduce an English module to have the students explore cultural differences between Western versus Eastern culture.
Today I had a one-on-one English lesson with Amy, one of my Chinese students in her mid-twenties with whom I have an established, friendly rapport with in class. We opened up an English textbook to begin our English lesson. However, World International English did not provide the correct English book for this particular English salon class, and the course material itself was too basic for Amy.
I decided to open the English class up with an improvised foray into cultural differences in dating, more specifically, Chinese dating practices.
Discussing The Cultural Differences In Dating
I asked Amy, “How is your life? Has anything changed?”
She answered, “No, not really.”
She still has the same job in China. The only change in her life is that she found a boyfriend.
She added, “I am not sure if we are going well or not.”
“Tell me about that,” I asked, using an open-ended question, to help her practice her advanced English in class.
We discussed Chinese dating practices, and whether Chinese girls introduce boys to the family when dating.
She answered, “Yes. I have already introduced a boy to my parents because I live with my parents. They keep pressuring me, asking when I am going to get married, when am I going to show the boy to them.”
Amy expanded on her new relationship, how she has dated her boyfriend for a few months, brought him over to her parent’s house and introduced him to her mother. I heard how her mother likes the boy. However, as I asked a few more querying questions to elicit responses in English from Amy, she confessed that she did not really like her boyfriend.
I asked, “Why?”
She explained, “I am very fussy. If I don’t like something I will get easily upset. I need my freedom and space.”
The impression I had from Amy in relation to Chinese dating practices is that she is unwilling to compromise on her personal freedoms, which makes her temperamental, and advises me that she does not like to listen to her partner’s wishes.
Dating In Western Culture
I digressed to move onto the topic of dating in Western culture.
“There is an interesting story from Australia,” I started.
“I knew a Vietnamese couple that migrated to Australia and married. But they did not like each other after a while. They bought a house next to each other. They did not live together, but they remained married.”
She confessed, “Yeah, this happens a lot in China too.”
Being a Westerner from Australia, having lived, studied and worked in China for five years now, this informed me of some quite apparent cultural differences in dating between Eastern and Western cultures.
Lacking Sex Education In China
I think the lack of sex education and the segregation of sexes contributes to problems between opposite sexes in Chinese society.
From an early age, Chinese kids are taught to separate between sexes. Chinese men and women are not allowed to mix in many scenarios in China.
There is also an extreme focus on education. Study and grades trump relationships in China. Students in middle school face intense pressure to be competitive, and get good grades, with boyfriends or girlfriends seen by the parents as unhelpful distractions to the academic success of their child.
The only time Chinese boys and girls ever get to mix is when they become boyfriend and girlfriend, and then get married. This often happens after graduation from university, a few years into the careers of Chinese people.
Chinese Dating Practices & Experience
In Australia, and Western society in general, the pathway to employment is not dependent on academic success. You can find a good, high-paying mid-level job as a tradesman, office worker, or in business, and not need a university education to achieve that success.
A good education in Australia is less important. Students in Australian high schools have a good balance between education at school and the development of their social skills. Friends, sports and sex education are as valuable in the Australian education system as tertiary results.
In China, a large bulk of this generation of Chinese can go into their mid twenties having little practical experience with the opposite sex, and having never been in a relationship.
I told Amy that this lack of experience with the the opposite sex will have a negative effect on Chinese dating practices.
I shared, “You are not going to know how to communicate differences you have with men until you get into a relationship and encounter some problems. But it is not a big deal. Problems always happen in relationships. It is just how you deal with them.”
The English class with Amy was fluid, and helpful. We had a nice foray into cultural differences in dating between Eastern and Western cultures.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
