The Starbucks on Sports West Road (体育西路) in Tianhe District (天河区) Guangzhou is a frequent haunt of mine. Once I finishing teaching English for World International English, I regularly stop in Starbucks to write my daily diary over a coffee.
It was when I changed tables to use another power outlet that I came across a tall, obese Chinese male with a pudgy face seated across the Starbucks benches.
In good English, he remarked, “It is not working, is it?”
“Yeah, it is not working,” I remarked about the power outlet.
“It happens inside Starbucks sometimes, but only inside this Starbucks,” he clarified.
As I fiddled with the power socket, he asked me, “Are you an English teacher here?”
I called out from three meters away, “Yeah, I teach English at World International English. I am an English teacher there.”
He remarked, “I went for an interview there. I tried to get the job there as a course counselor. World International English did not give me the job. They said because I am not qualified.”
Learning About The Dating Culture In China
Over the course of an hour, we became acquainted. I was able to learn more about the dating culture in China. Eventually, the conversation turned to Chinese girls.
I asked, “What is the best way to find a girlfriend in China? Because in my country, we are very liberal.”
I turned the question to him, asking, “I am not sure how to find girls here in China. How do you find them?”
He explained, “Chinese guys find Chinese girls by going on the internet. Chinese guys can get an introduction. If you are friends with a Chinese girl in high school or university, you can start a relationship.”
How he explained Chinese dating culture from his perspective is that Chinese males first attempt to pair off with a female college friend that they liked for many years in university.
Failing that, a Chinese male looks to the internet to find a girlfriend. If that fails, the Chinese male relies on their family or friends to get a blind date (相亲).
Dating Differences Between Eastern And Western Cultures
I explained on response, “There is no pressure for us Westerners in Australia to get a girlfriend. We can go live single and happy into our thirties. But I know in Chinese society, the Chinese family is going to give you pressure, right?”
He said, “Yes. My family will give me pressure.”
I jokingly put on a fake voice to mimic a Chinese father, strictly asking, “When are you going to get a girlfriend?”
I then stopped to ask my Chinese friend, “Is your dad a strict person or a quiet, humble person?”
He replied, “He is a quiet person.”
I then put on a quiet voice, speaking in Chinese, “慢慢，找女朋友.”
Pick-Up Culture In Eastern And Western Societies
He carried on to explain the realities of dating and the pick-up scene in a Chinese society.
“Chinese people are very shy, so it is difficult. They don’t understand the concept of dating. For example, you won’t be able to find a Chinese girl on the street and start a relationship with a Chinese girl like that.”
I listened intently, as he continued, “There was one Chinese girl I met on the bus. Then we entered a relationship.”
He explained that in China, there is no concept of saying hello to someone in public and getting to know them. This made it difficult to get to know the girl on the bus because of how Chinese dating culture is set up.
Personality Differences Between Western And Chinese Women
As we moved to discuss the personality differences between Western and Chinese females, the starkest difference was that Chinese girls are shy. Chinese girls don’t get used to the dating culture we have in The West.
I asked, “Do Chinese people think that Chinese people are strangers when they talk to them?”
He said, “Chinese people think that a person on the street is a stranger. Chinese girls won’t try to get to know you on the street because they are scared to talk to strangers. ”
I wondered, “Would the girl consider a Chinese person on the street a stranger?”
This was an uncomfortable question for him, as he explained that anyone would be a stranger in China to a Chinese person if they don’t know you.
The Spontaneity Of Sex In Western Dating Culture
The lack of a spontaneity in Chinese pick-up culture would be one reason why WeChat (微信) is so popular.
You can add a Chinese girl on WeChat.
You both get to know each other through texting over time. Then, when you are not deemed a stranger anymore, the Chinese girl can accept you on a date.
The hook up culture in Western societies is more open. You can hook up with a Western girl at a nightclub, and return to your hotel room, or your car, for a romp on the same night.
In the back of my mind, and from past experience, I knew sex and spontaneity in Western society is far too common. Sometimes you can date a few times, and end up in bed. Sometimes, as with one girl I dated for a year in Australia, you can meet, have a coffee, and receive a hand job in the cinemas, all on the same first date. That is how hook ups work in Australia, and in The West.
As this new Chinese friend and I shared stories, I shared my experience about a Chinese girl I once met on a bus trip. Seated beside each other on the one-hour bus ride through Beijing, in that hour, we became boyfriend and girlfriend, and held hands.
He told me his experience about the Chinese girl he met on the bus, and how they entered a long-term relationship.
I also told him how I met my current Chinese girlfriend in Starbucks. He was really happy he met me as a friend.
I chuckled, “Yeah, I meet all my good friends in Starbucks.”
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
