China has been my second home now for five years. Since moving from Australia in 2014 to study Mandarin in a Chinese University, the cultural differences in dating were quite stark. Rejection was all too common. Tradition was, and still remains, a ubiquitous relationship killer.
These days I am in a committed relationship with a Guangzhou girl. We have dated for five months. I returned to China from Australia to continue our relationship. Dating a Chinese girl provides stability. I can settle down with one girl. I can look forward to the future, with my glory days had in the past.
However, the experience as a Western male bachelor in China is still all-too-real. In China, as a single Western male, the world and its oyster are yours.
In my opinion, China has the potential to be Thailand 2.0.
Chinese people have a healthy obsession with Western culture. They like to adopt Western fashion, pop culture and trends in a fantasy construct outside of their daily grind in China. A Westerner is rare in China. I am completely different in all aspects to their Chinese lifestyle. The Westerners who play to the Western stereotype will have the most dating success in China.
However, traditional Chinese values quickly become the obstacle to transforming China into the red light fantasy construct that Westerners would love to see in China.
Traditional Chinese Dating Values
In Western society, sex is quite liberal. Casual sex and flings are all too common. The bar for a sexual relationship is quite low.
In Chinese dating culture, most Chinese females are conservative to their core. If a Westerner could only find an antidote to get past the conservative shield ( 保守), and get those Chinese girls to be sexually liberal, China would be a paradise.
China would be like Thailand, where in Thailand a Westerner could visit Gogo bars and nightclubs, and have sex with any girl that they want. Thailand 2.0 however would be a better paradise for Western males, the difference being that Chinese females are way hotter than Thailand females.
Can Tradition Be Erased From Chinese Females?
Traditional values in Chinese dating culture is so insurmountable, that a speed date requires a month of tepid dates, with endless financial and security assurances along the way, before a male is allowed to enter into a relationship with a Chinese girl.
Most of the time, a Western approach to dating Chinese girls is pointless. When a Western male plays the nice guy, the fact that a Chinese girl is conservative (保守) means she will take your phone number the first time you meet, but you will be politely rejected the second time you speak to her simply because Chinese females are conservative by nature.
Usually, when I met a Chinese girl, I would message her later, “I think you are open-minded? 我觉得你有些开放？”
The usual response from a Chinese girl would be, “No. I am super conservative. 不是，我超保守！”
That response from a Chinese girl would be a relationship killer for me.
Pushy Dating In China Can Be Successful
Most of the girls that I have met in China are traditional. That is the mold generally that I worked with. When you come to understand that tradition, culture, and conservatism are ubiquitous in China, and that there is no way to erase this conservative mindset ingrained in the minds of Chinese girls, then you find different ways to channel that frustration.
In the fourth year living in China, I approached dating in a different way.
I would feel like taking Chinese girls in my hands and saying, “Come with me. Come on. Don’t be so silly and traditional. Let’s go to my bedroom. We can have a tryst for twenty minutes. You can go back home with a nice, wet pussy. Come on.”
I imaged that is how foreigners in nightclub districts such as Party Pier would behave. I observed foreigners behave with an air of haughtiness, as if every girl that they walk up to, they want to demonstrate their superiority, and that it would be a privilege for a Chinese girl to have sex with one of those alpha male Westerners. I imagine alpha Westerners pick up Chinese females just for sport.
I used to be one of those foreigners too. I flew into China, as a man on a mission.
“I have this country to myself! I can invite girls up to my apartment every day and fornicate, fornicate, fornicate!”
I acted like a temporary enigma, a wisp of escapism for curious Chinese girls, the Fifty Shades Of Grey from Australia.
Successful Western Dating Practices In China
When I changed my pick up game in China, I became pushy and relentless chatting up Chinese girls on the streets. The Western approach to dating in China was successful. If not, it was amusing to see the reactions on the faces of traditional Chinese girls who were gamed.
When a Chinese girl is bombarded with relentless attention, more often than not, the Chinese girl will transition into a dazed mood (发呆). There is no way for them to acclimatize to the unorthodox approach. The Chinese girl has no solution whatsoever to stop such brazen advances, unable to hypnotize a Western male with the propriety of tradition, unable to stop my desires to copulate with her, that the Chinese girl freezes in a sudden daze (发呆).
In her mind she is thinking, “Oh my God! I just tried every trick in the book that I know that I don’t want to have sex, and he is still here!”
That is the moment the brain of a traditional, conservative Chinese girl snaps. It is like an antenna floating around in space, saying, “He is still here… he is still here… what am I doing? I am in space.”
Some of my longest relationships in Australia started with sex. If you are in China and unsuccessful in dating, when all else has failed, try to chase Chinese girls for sport. Use a pushy approach. Make it obvious that carnal sex is on your mind. I surprised myself when I changed my approach. You could surprise yourself in China, too.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
