The Effect Of Marijuana On My Self-Esteem – Mad Chaos: June 26, 2001

Kicking The Marijuana Habit

Some people just aren’t made for marijuana.  That’s why my choice to slowly start giving the nasty habit up was made an initiative five nights ago, Friday.  

My smoking habits had me smoke marijuana every day for six consecutive days, when it finally struck me.

“Even alone, you can’t loosen up and unwind.”

I have done very well so far for having lasted this long after a recent spate (after buying from Ali).  

The Effect Of Marijuana On My Personality

Thinking less (not thinking too much) is the key to losing the self-conscious and these fast-paced erratic bouts of anxiety that come hand in hand with claustrophobic confrontations.  Marijuana makes me think more.  

Ever since taking marijuana, it has given my conscience a significant boost from what was deemed normal.  

Marijuana gives my brain neurons a buzz and zaps them into stupidity.  Smoking marijuana has heightened my sensations.  But as a trade-off, it has slurred my speech, made my inner-confidence more nervous, cross-wired my mind so that thought overpowered me, and made me paranoid of all in less.

Compensating For Marijuana Withdrawal Symptoms

Not even with friends can the self-conscious frame of thought actually be completely extracted from my mind.  You would never have him flow like the others, just sit back, take it all in and relax.  

This person here needs to find some release and quick, before he completely folds and falls into an abysmally cavernous hole.  Having a job and having money to buy things is my current riposte, but it only spurs on a false healing through deep dissent to my ethics.

Marijuana makes me more aware, and therefore, more depressed for what little there is in life to me.  This is where material possessions will come in, a disregard of morals (more a morale slip) for a tradeoff of false satisfaction.  

Women Like Men With Their Act Together

Women want a man that has gotten his act together, and considering that most things are wrong in my life (going through their stages of making themselves right) it will take me a while until women are comfortable enough around me to reply with flirtatious comment.  

My serious attitude usually ruins anything that the lover attempts but mind me, it will eventually give in.

Using A Medicated Puffer For Anxiety

Yesterday I visited the medical clinic in Campbelltown.  The medicated puffer given to me by the doctor yesterday has worked small wonders in helping me cough less.  The nerves are starting to disappear, but that could also be due to my ridding the nuisances that made me so anxious in the first place.  

The self-conscious has in small increments begun to stand up for himself.  First blood was the small bout of retaliation against mister negativity when at the Road Pantry early last weekend.  Then came some healthy bickering with the machine on Sunday.

Repairing The Car In The Auto Shop

Not in any runaround way, today began early and just ended now.  

I woke up as early as 9:15am so that my dad could help me take it down.  In between I dashed to drop my new Toyota Corona off at the auto repair shop.  

The car took an eternity to drive down to the auto shop this morning, where the car barely stirred with enough energy to wobble the fan belt.  

Dad ended up driving us to the auto shop, but we parted ways after walking back to town together.  He was constantly in my ear.  It made me realize how the racy self-conscious would sound to other people, and like me to dad, why they always seemed to just hum and nod their heads with a question or two every few minutes just to let the person know that they still seemed the slightest bit interested.

Using Material Comforts To Assuage Anxiety

From there it was some shopping, a trip up to Macarthur Square, a purchase of some blue-lens sunglasses.

The Cool has to come out of me.  

These new sunglasses have also helped out my quest in shedding nerves.  The blue sunglasses lenses are said to be a relaxant.  When on, they seem to calm my cough.  

You could also give credit to this reshuffle of shadowed powers to my complacency over morality in material comforts, hence, the car, sunglasses and my looking forward to buying an MP3 player and mobile phone.

Getting A Haircut In Macarthur Square

There was a small hint of The Cool today when heading off to Macarthur Square.  

He visited the hairdresser, got an intense massage and some obvious pleasure to go along with it.  The young blonde gave me a firm head massage to wash my hair before styling.  Although a few years older than me, she made it seem obvious that her extra attention to me in the chair was her teasing way of literally stroking my cock.

The girls around the store were giggling when my eyes eventually opened.  My leg cocked back down onto its heal and onto the floor.  Yeah, the girl was pretty good, but not as well defined as my joie de vivre, whose face again reminded me that at least one of us looks mentally healthy on the outside.  Maybe Jewell doesn’t even think of me like I do of her, of how her life is complete, all but.

Work At Coles Myer Logistics Center

Then I made my way to work.  

One of the work guys was on my bus.  My good positive day seemed to gleam on in our conversation to work.  He seemed impressed by the more confident change.

The early afternoon working as a Storeperson for the Coles Myer Logistics Center in Smeaton Grange was going fine.  

But lunch seemed the trigger for the self-conscious.

New Law Bans Mobile Phone Use In Vehicles

Stoned people are always more racy, this seen when watching normal actors in interview, and then black writers like those that created “Scary Movie,” talking at a delusional and naturally faster rate.

Australia is leading in the critically correct department while America is following the lead for a change.  We came up with a ban of mobile phones in cars.  Now America is only passing the law through the senate.  Law, however, is the mature-aged way of getting the youth back into the sort of order that was displayed in the 50’s.  Like the black and white movies when Humphrey Bogart says, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” the word “damn” becomes the worst profanity coming out of a diligent man’s mouth.  

Our elders, however, taught us how to abuse, by watching fathers beating mothers, an action that has since changed with law.

When my evening shift at the Coles Myer Logistics Center in Smeaton Grange finished late at night, one of the guys at work drove a few of us near Campbelltown train station.  The work guy on the morning bus was in the car.  After getting dropped off near Campbelltown train station, we walked home together in the same direction.  He grew as anxious as me on the walk.

The Theory Of The Big Bang

Let us assume that there was a Big Bang theory.  How then did spatial difference begin, and when was life born?  

By “spatial difference” I mean, how did matter and space spread from the onset of the “big bang” and do the orbits of planets have something to do with the controlled ballistics of it?  

Are our origins as easy to understand as the chronology of genetics?

Could we establish a more conjunctive law of mathematical hypothesis that would assure us that?

Earth could be spinning around in an orbit because of its velocity and momentum, leaving the complete density of our “big bang” (or a beginning of some black hole parallel universe).  

The small sway in the Earth’s orbit could be due to the amount of stray comets that we have been hit by over these millions of years.  Calculating the effects of impact could sort out the kink in the universal anomaly, and allow a comparative equation to the beginning of life, told through the direction of space matter and their telltale signs of life shown in anomalous orbits.