Time Flies In The Diary
Flash… It’s only been an hour since my last entry, but reading upon my entries dating back two months I have my mind to speak.
People usually look back upon time and say, “Jeez, time flies.”
But this time around I kept saying to myself, “It feels like it was long before that date.”
Like when I slept over Lyssa’s house because her mum was in America, that was a month and a half ago. I visited Eros Theatre around the same time. Lyssa informed me how only two weeks ago I told her I don’t feel 100% for her. It felt like it was over a month ago. Yet, that’s the way time works, in its mysterious ways. I’m now wondering how long ago Ali got his Celica back from its impound. To me it feels like two months or more but in reality, it’s probably only been three weeks.
Blaming Myself For Love Triangle
Also, I’ve been thinking about Jewell while reading these entries into my Diary. It seems that important happenings with Jewell are tied together with my normal life happenings. In some way, it works like a magnet.
When something positive happens with Jewell and I over the phone, something negative will happen with Lyssa and I.
Therefore, on the other hand, when Lyssa and I are happy, I tend to be more careful in what I say and when I call Jewell. It’s a vicious little circle, yes it is, but one I can’t escape or don’t know how.
Still, I haven’t really commented in my Diary about the last conversation with Jewell. From my perspective, I have already kept my distance from Jewell but not in the respect of being with Lyssa more often. Things are far different in that respect. Instead of getting closer to Lyssa which we have had our moments, we do have our arguments. None of them are directly involving my feelings towards the issue with Jewell, but there is some truth in the matter.
There is no one to blame but myself for what is happening but I’m not, I’m just living day to day instead of for the future now. From what has happened, who knows what my future holds. I’m now used to waking up late in the day, not looking for work and turning into a slump.
Is this because of my mind and my emotions?
Could I be getting run down because of my thoughts?
There is my reality that is satisfying and I am happy with it, but how long will my conscience allow me to live a double life?
When will I finally be happy, with only one destiny and only one fate, which I have to ultimately decide?
I am the master of my fate.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
