Well, while I was writing the last entry Lyssa showed up to my house for Friday night. Whence she showed up I turned the computer off mid-sentence (I just finished the sentence). Yes I must start anew, begin the same day in another frame of thought. Today is the day.
Prepare For A Movie Night
Friday night when Lyssa came over from work I gave her a kiss and turned off my computer. After talking about what happened at work for her that day we headed for the shops.
Lyssa didn’t like any of the movies I had on hold, but she had a thought of renting “My Best Friend’s Wedding”. Making our way to the shops Lyssa bought the movie she wanted. Then we made our way to the shops so that we could buy some food.
Heading back to my house, we spread the food onto the ground and prepared the video. Lyssa was real tired from work but once again, that didn’t stop us from having a good night.
Explore New Depths With Lyssa
As we jumped up onto my waterbed we put a blanket over us and started our adventure. Not wanting to travel too far in depth about my sexuality (in case one day it either embarrasses me, gets me into trouble or hurts someone), I can say that the night was great and Lyssa and I traveled some new waters.
There were some variations Lyssa and I tried. The result, Lyssa had a much greater orgasm, and as usual I was satisfied. There were so many factors that helped the mood out in our foreplay that evolved the night into nothing shy of spectacular. The main factor, we were into it and into each other.
My Best Friend’s Wedding Review
Once our sweat and toil was finished I had a shower. She had a shower. Then we started to watch the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding.
Halfway into the movie Lyssa fell asleep. But I found the movie to be great.
There was a moment in the movie where Julia Roberts had the chance to say I love you to the guy under a bridge but she didn’t have enough courage.
I felt for the moment.
There were a couple of moments at the end of the movie that were sad also. But all in all, the movie was pretty good.
As Lyssa was already asleep I watched some television late into the night before my eyes got tired. I eventually went to sleep around 2am in the morning.
Enough said though. I can’t cheat my thoughts and write on my other entry.
Love Is Overshadowed
Starting with Lyssa, the life that I live now with her has been shadowed almost one year now. Lyssa and I met last year way before this day. It has almost been a year since Lyssa and I have been together. As special as that is, we both await the day that we travel to Wollongong to celebrate.
Resume Dedications CD Production
As for my CD, things have made a move on. In some circumstances I wanted to quit some parts but I’m pushing myself forward with an image in my head of what my accomplishment will achieve, and in more than one way.
Making the move with music, I have picked some more songs to place on the CD and am building up my collection at home. The CD player is full now. In a couple of weeks I will have only albums in there and no singles.
Keeping My Music Dreams A Secret
This month, with money being tight for obvious reasons, I’ve started to see the disintegration of my clothes. More lately, I’m being pressured by Lyssa to get a job. I’m sure she thinks she’s doing the right thing. She must be. But if she knew I was trying in the music industry she would back off.
Lyssa told me when we were at lunch yesterday and the day before (while we were talking about people getting married) that Lyssa thought to herself it would be a good idea to marry me and stick to me because Lyssa really thought in her head that one day I will become a successful and rich music producer.
Lyssa wondered what could she do for a career that would make her rich.
She couldn’t find anything but solace in a partner that could also make a fair amount of money. That way, she would at least be comfortable. Some suggestions I gave to Lyssa were to be an erotic dancer and earn a mint.
The Pressure Of Breaking Up
The pressures of Lyssa and I one day breaking up is starting to get me inside. While Lyssa and I were taking a walk to Bradbury shops last night, hand in hand she asked me a question.
“Are you getting tired of me yet?”
“I’m not getting tired of you,” I told Lyssa the truth.
But in my head, I have a time already set for Lyssa and I to part our ways. It just doesn’t seem right but it just has to be done.
Lyssa doesn’t want to be with me forever, but in three or six months, it might not be the right time for both of us. I’m sure when the time comes I will feel considerably different from today. But I hope, for the rest of my life I will make the right decision, but not a decision for today that my heart will decide.
The lyrics in my new song called Leavin’ by Soul For Real sing true to the occasion of breaking up. Here is what I have to say…
It brings me to tears that things didn’t go the way we planned.
And now I have to say goodbye, and it hurts inside.
Even though I know you’re probably the best thing for me, still I must go.
So as I wipe these tears from my eyes, I want you to know I love you.
So don’t take it personal.
I got to be leaving, yes I’m going away.
I got to go now, but I wish I could stay.
And I want to thank you for the times that you’ve given me.
You see I’ve got a long way to go and this is such a lonely road.
Those words ring true, though not for this occasion they hold some reasoning within the lyrics, none more to what they mean to Jewell and I which brings me to the next subject.
Life Is More Complicated
As the time has successfully ticked past midnight, now it is June and we are already halfway through the year, back into winter. Jewell and I have picked up conversation in the past month, and even before that. I believe the time we started frequently calling was just after February or in March. My situation is starting to now get intense.
Apart from Jewell and I calling each other frequently and my feelings changing tunes every day, Lyssa probably has some suspicions. I wish my life hadn’t been so complicated.
I’d hate to ever be put in the distinct place of making a choice between who I care for more and what was right or wrong.
Because it is bad taste to discuss that issue I might as well move on to some other crap.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
