Coming Across As Aggressive In The Past
Reading through my previous entries in my diaries of last year (where I’m up to July 1996), there are a lot of differences in my life since then. For example, I don’t swear as much in my Diary. But what really makes me stop is the way I’ve stopped womanizing, treating them like meat.
For back in those days I never really had much experience, and you had to hold a certain respect from your friends, so, you had to be aggressive.
I find now looking back that there were lots of women in my life that I didn’t even imagine thinking about when it comes to that. Every week I’d be interested in another person, and mostly just to get onto them.
But I know that even though I might have said that to my friends and made you perceive that in my diary entries (me being aggressive), I really wanted to try a steady relationship.
Now that I have a steady relationship and know what it’s like to love and to be loved in a way different to what I’ve been through, I’ve sort of settled down to a higher degree of maturity.
Past Examples Of Directionless Group Leadership
Looking back, everything is in a different perspective now as to what it was. I’ve also found that there were break ups and hard times in our group before like this.
I’ve also seen that our groups leaders, the one’s that have been there since day one, will be there now. Our group will just find new people to associate with, and we’ll be back on track soon. It’s coming up to summer anyway.
Maturing At Eighteen
What I’ve also found about 1996 is that everything was up in the air. I didn’t know what I was doing except for Gym and going out and having fun. All other items of interest were on and off, like my love life, my attitude, my work, my money and responsibilities. I’m hoping to find a new leaf when I turn the page of maturity to 1997.
When I turned 18 years old on January 18, 1997, I really did change for the better. After Phoenix and then upon meeting Jewell my life and maturity changed. Even though my thought was always thinking in the same mysterious way, my thoughts changed with love, visions became clearer and goals were noticeable in the distance.
My Ex Relationship With Clover
I can only hope that this relationship (although it already has) will bring me to a new level of maturity I could not imagine.
I’ve never had a relationship longer than 3 months.
That’s even a mystery because when I was 16 I was seeing a girl by the name of Clover. She was 13 at the time but she told me she was 14.
Her best friend was Caitlin who was seeing Jett. I hooked him up with her.
Caitlin and Clover might be in this Diary briefly but I was seeing her for around 4 months. I really can’t remember the reason I left her but was she was too young and not the right person for me to build with, and I was too young also.
The Upbringing Of A Leader Era (1996)
What I’ve just written here is just like a mini autobiography of 1996, the year of my life “The Upbringing of a Leader.” I’ll need this when I’ve broken through music as a Producer of my songs, for I could never sing them.
Once again I haven’t started regular work but I’ve learnt that by 10:30am I’ll be seeing lots of tasks in front of me.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
