Evolving In Importance To Lyssa – Mad Chaos: November 10, 1997

Noticing Penelope’s Infatuation For Ali

Last night I went over to Lyssa’s house with the help of Ali.   On the way to her house I was looking around for Cosmopolitan the book.  Lyssa and I saw an article in there about Orgasms and thought it would be fun to read. 

Penelope jumped in the car.  Then I saw a change.  I’ve noticed lately that Penelope doesn’t care about anything  else but Ali when he’s around, and even when he’s not.  Ali to her is the biggest and best thing that’s happened to her.  Nothing else Freders when she’s with him, and Ali feeds on this. 

What amazed me is that when I told Penelope we were looking for a book so Lyssa could read (I didn’t say with me) she went off and said, “Fuck Lyssa and her book,” in front of me.  Once again nothing else Freders to her as long as she has Ali. 

Like Lyssa says, if she doesn’t get her HSC, she’s still got Ali.  If one of her friends have an accident, she’s still got Ali. 

The Irony Of Virgin Penelope

What was more aggravating was that Penelope was already with Ali, in his car sitting in the front.  She couldn’t wait a minute or two to totally be alone with Ali so she can do the things with him she always said she’d never do and has denied for so long. 

Penelope tells Ali he’s sexually frustrated.  I think it’s Penelope who’s sexually frustrated.  Unlike Ali, she’s never had anything like this before, no real body contact.  Now that she’s had it, she can’t get enough, even though she’s Virgin Penelope to her family.

What I find more shocking is that Ali and Penelope started talking about marriage two weeks into going out.  Lame.  I’m wondering who’s going to get hurt the most first, Penelope for believing that Ali has always been faithful, or Ali for falling into the fantasy that Penelope has created for both of them, only to find that half of the stuff they say to each other they truly don’t mean or they don’t appreciate the value of what they are doing it for.

Sure Ali can say I want to marry you but what’s his real caper behind the question?  And sure Penelope can say I love you to Ali but does she really know what love is, since she’s never loved someone before and didn’t have enough time to grow feelings and emotion for Ali? 

Look at me and Lyssa for example.  It’s taken us four months to realize our feelings for each other have grown, and even now I still can’t fully express my love towards her in words.  All Penelope and Ali do is lock themselves up away from all to see and later, tell of their hopes and dreams to whoever is around to listen.

To what peril are these two souls doomed?  They say they are right for each other but who are they kidding?

The Penelope Pop Quiz

Pop Quiz: If I decided back in the days to get onto Penelope when Ali didn’t even know what she could offer, before Ali was even thinking about her, I would be receiving all this attention and she would be putting me in a fantasy world.  I can say right now that it wouldn’t have lasted more than a month because I live in reality. 

Furthermore, for Penelope to get a mobile phone for the main purpose of Ali calling her concludes my reality check to this topic.  Fantasy is the word most used to explain them in my dictionary.

Probing Lyssa’s Body Together

Last night as Lyssa and I were talking in her bedroom, we decided to explore deeper into the topic of sexuality.  I realized that she was more open to suggestion.  She agreed that we rent a room this weekend.  She also agreed on lingerie shopping this weekend. 

As we lay her on her bed, I also asked her to probe her body with her hand and mine.  She did.  Now opening much more doors than what I had before, I’ve started to shed a new light towards Lyssa, a sincerity if you may.

Evolving In Importance To Lyssa

Denying that girl a hug at Woodbine Macers this weekend past furthers my commitment to Lyssa.  As she said to me last night while we were talking, she has started to see me in a different light as to what we were when we started going out.  Feeling more secure, she told me that I’m no longer thought of as just Tony, I’m thought as a more evolved character, a part of the bigger picture.

Last night Lyssa told me that she doesn’t want me to go. 

Since the first day I met her, I’ve never heard her speak those words.  Calling Lyssa everyday is no longer a challenge, nor is it a chore, it’s a necessity that I’ve grown up on.  To hear her voice every night or to see her face every now and again is something that I can’t live without, something that I’ve grown into needing. 

Loneliness is emptiness, and being empty is without love.

Saying all these good words, I feel that in the bigger picture, Jewell is also there within.  As far as people I’ve cared about and loved, Lyssa and Jewell have to be two people afar that I will never forget and I will cherish the moments together that I’ve experienced with both of these beautiful, loving people.  Memories are a good thing that can turn your heart and make you reminisce when memories are of distant.

If I wanted to I could write of a million thoughts and a million dreams of the people that I’ve loved and cared for, but why so long an entry when a simple sentence can explain it all.

STA Audio Engineering Courses Query

Once again, as Monday has reared its ugly head, I’ve had a constant day of thought.  Taking the papers for the STA courses, I decided to send away for more information. 

The good thing about learning audio engineering at this Institute is that I am allowed to bring in Musicians and use the Audio Studios.  The studios are not the best audio engineering studios but I’m allowed. 

With the money I can put into learning audio engineering I can also just hire out a studio and have my own songs produced.  But, I’d rather have a know-how of what I’m doing and what I’m getting in terms of service.

Booking The Year 12 Formal Limousine

Within the day of Monday working at Martinson Engineering, I’ve called and arranged for a limousine to pick Lyssa and I up for the year 12 formal.  Not sure of what’s happening as yet on the return trip.  I’m waiting to see what Lyssa wants to do after the year 12 formal. 

Lyssa would probably like to go to a nightclub after the year 12 formal with her friends.  Since it’s her special night, I might get my friends to pick me up after the night, travel to the City and have fun with them, maybe to meet up with Lyssa later on.

Planning A Formal Night Hotel Room

Next weekend Lyssa and I would have been together for 5 months, so I’ll be planning a hotel room for the both of us.  Since I might not be hiring a second limousine, I’ll use that money to hire a room with a spa unit, a luxurious room not too far from home, somewhere that I can explore options with Lyssa.  In other words, make lots of noise and bring lots of protection.

Even though Lyssa’s on the pill, we are both still cautious of what could happen.  We always stay aware of what we are doing and what could go wrong.  I’m not a firm believer in the contraceptive pill.  I’m positive that it would work but I’ve got doubts in my mind. 

Maybe when the day comes when I shouldn’t have to care about what would happen, when I’m 100 percent sure that Lyssa and I would be able to handle that problem if it came up, would I delve deeper into using no protection.  We have been very safe up to now, getting a blood test, using condoms, the pill and other forms of contraceptives.

This month I’d have to say has brought plenty of reasoning to my attention.  Appreciated is Lyssa, and more along the love that I have for her and the love she has given back. 

Wishing Penelope A Fairy-Tale Life

On a leaving note, I just want to say I hope Penelope can live in her fairytale for the rest of her life.  That is, if she marries Ali, which will probably happen because neither of them will wake up to reality.   Then I hope she can live the life of fantasy, even through childbirth and bringing up children, that’s if it ever travels the distance.