Overcoming Social-Induced Apathy – Mad Chaos: July 5, 2004

The curse of social-induced apathy impedes on the natural drives encompassed in a normal day.  Social-induced apathy has been around for a while but its phenomenon has only in the last few weeks disrupted me because my lifestyle has evolved and become more driven and complicated compared to the lack of purpose last year, which caused the writer to lack a conglomerate of rivals.

Socializing Hinders Personal Resolutions

I am so determined now to accomplish and realize these nine resolutions, which are to purchase commodities, to fully repay the credit card, reach a nominal weight, regain control of my mental illness, evolve and become an extroverted person, find a female companion, revise the prehistory months of my memoirs, publish a template contemporary book to distribute to viable literary agents, and resolve to have long hair by the end of the year.  I would love to see them all fulfilled, but socials, as wildcards, hinder the process.

Socials are a necessary, occasional perk, which serve to keep me happy.  Socials also help to maintain an emotional balance.  But the irony is that socials serve an adjunct role, and so as wildcards, hinder the fundamental process of resolutions.  

I have developed the phenomenon of social-induced apathy now because the writer has become an indomitable force, whose reputation can sometimes create escarps, which oft take days to overcome, and so the phenomenon robs me of precious determination.  

I believe this problem can be resolved with fewer socials or less emphasis on socials, which would liberate blocks of days from the writer hegemony.  I walk a precarious tightrope and need to find a moderator because the virtues I have, could deteriorate, which may sink these memoirs, and perhaps even other resolutions.

For now, there is no resolution, as apathy and procrastination will dictate the decisions of the next three to four days.  I will spend some hours on an unfinished entry, squander many hours in atrophic diversions, and then write here under a daily pretense that all is fine.  In reality, I would like to be out of the house or focused on resolutions, but social-induced apathy immobilizes these ambitions.  So, the metabolism of days will destabilize until in my memoirs, a social is fully digested.

Nine Days Abstraining From Zyprexa (Olanzapine)

As far as the pretense is concerned, I researched old literature and epics like “The Iliad” online until I finally went to sleep at 4:00am, which saw me wake up today at an awful hour.  

In a form of procrastination, I scrambled out of bed at 2pm, and stumbled into the bathroom to have a shower.  I was depressed and needed to reach for some endorphins.  In this case, a shower was an easy response.

I then had an Alprazolam tablet once back in my bedroom and was pleased that my behavior was normal.  I have avoided all symptoms of a relapse associated to schizophrenia for nine days now, which reaffirms evermore how incompetent that psychiatrist was to diagnose me in seconds with schizophrenia.  

The misguidance of these so-called professionals annoys me so much because I feel like I was made to accept an erroneous belief, and I would have suffered for years more if I never came to my own conclusions and followed personal instincts.  I feel like people are liable and heads should roll for the careless malpractice that stigmatized me.  But it is better to move on than to be bitter, and resent those people that have taken years off of my life with their misdirection.

Anxious To View Matchmaker Profiles

I wrote in my memoirs for an hour or so from 3pm.  

Then I read and viewed profiles of women online from a reputable national agency.  I became smitten with some ladies and smiled as some personalities shone, but for the most part, most women intimidated me because of their vivacious personalities.  All these women wanted someone to make them laugh and a social conversationalist.  It makes me anxious ahead of time because I know I still have an unpredictable personality defined by panic and adrenaline rushes.  

I think all the profiles of beautiful ambitious women drove me to reconsider all my resolutions.  I want to exercise and I want to be some form of success, which will perhaps come from these untapped memoirs.  I would feel worthless now and like ballast in a relationship because of issues I have.

Battling Mental Health Problems

I realized yesterday also and wrote down four issues I have had for years, which I need to resolve.  I considered how I am insecure, self-conscious, driven by low self-esteem and am a person with a deep complex about how people perceive me.  These problems so intertwined with mental illness and hang-ups about the past need to be confronted if I am ever to secure a companion and become a comfortable person.  

I feel like I have to unfold various issues in order to resolve these latest documented issues.  

It could take me a year or years but I am a battler (as I have shown) and I will succeed to eradicate as many problems as possible.

An Attempt To Write Stories

I watched the news after this time online.  

Then I walked to the local shops at 5:30pm to purchase a guarana drink, which was an endorphin boost, like the shower.  

I then came home and attempted to write in my memoirs once more, but the logistics of a social were a spanner in the works.  I was overwhelmed with all the work that is needed in this social thesis.  I have to transcribe the notation from my mobile phone onto the computer and then translate this into a viable story.  I made a small attempt, but apathy soon disrupted me and made me come upstairs around 7pm to make dinner.

Mum as usual was in her chair near the balcony window.  I said hello to her and proceeded to the stove tops.  I turned on the heat, placed my frozen sausages in hot water, oiled a pan, and then started to cook minutes later.  

A Conversation With Mom

I had the usual conversation with mom.  

“I went to the mall today.  I bought new clothes for myself.  I have too many old clothes.  I also bought jewelry.  You know how much I spent?  Three hundred dollars!”

To mom this was news.  It was also uncharacteristic of her because she rarely spends her money.  mom has a floater of a thousand or so dollars, so it becomes news when she is tempted to become a consumer because of specials.  It was nice to see mom be a little selfish for once to think of herself.

I came downstairs in any case half an hour later with sausages, pasta twists and carrots all in cream sauce.  I had dinner and then watched television for a couple of hours, until I became bored of this atrophic apathy.  

Studying Metabolism And Lipoproteins

Then I came online to study metabolism and lipoproteins.  I was shocked to discover once more how high my cholesterol (9.3 mmol/L) and low-density lipoproteins (7.3 mmol/L) were, which are a fatal combination.  It results in atherogenic conditions over time, capable of producing plaques in arteries.

I have to increase the high-density lipoproteins in my diet.  Already I have started to eat olives.  I used to eat avocadoes but instead of olive oil, we have vegetable oil, which is full of saturated fats, and not the favorable monounsaturated kinds.  I need to fix this cholesterol and lipoprotein crisis because I would hate to have triple-bypass surgeries forty years from now.

The Need To Overhaul My Health

I need to exercise more.  Aerobic exercise in particular increases your metabolism and it does so for an hour or so after exercise.  

I also need to eat more fiber because fiber helps pass food quicker.  It purges cholesterol from your system as well, and has all other health benefits.  

I exercised for twenty minutes on the trainer at 9:30pm but I have to become ultra serious about nutrition and exercise.  I have to eradicate the sugars from my diet.  I need to eat sensibly and more often to help increase my metabolism.

I have to do more cardiovascular exercise as well.  I realized today that exercise on the trainer is not an intense aerobic workout.  I need to run or swim in order to be breathless, which elevates my metabolism and allows me to burn more calories.  

I can still feel the aches in my quadriceps and calves from the three dashes I made on the way to visit mumbles a couple of days back, so it is an intensive cardiovascular exercise.  

I also cannot wait until anaerobic work is introduced in a month as well.  Muscle is a metabolically active tissue, so the more muscle I have, the higher my metabolism will be.

I have all the answers but never the funds, and sometimes never the time of day.  I am desperate to devote more time to exercise now.  I want to wake up tomorrow and ride on the trainer once each hour to accumulate two to three hours of exercise, or maybe more.  I want to shock my body and be nutritious as well because it depressed me to wake up to measure 86.2 kilos today.

I need discipline, so I may have to deviate from the social-induced apathy syndrome and lead a normal life inside this life on a deadline.  

I will now perform another twenty-minute cycle on the trainer as midnight passes, so I can prepare for a ruthless day tomorrow.