A New Era Of The Hare – Mad Chaos: July 16, 2004

In order to make the last forty-eight hours crystal clear, at approximately six hours into the fourteenth in the hour of transition between the sun and moon, an eventful day in town occurred with its various activities and events.  

I then returned home, had fours of sleep and woke up four hours into the fifteenth to issue a lockdown for a whole day and a half, which is where I proceeded into a zone of memory recall.  

I worked on my memoirs for eight uninterrupted hours.  

I was resolved to sleep at midday, which allowed me a proper recuperation.  

I woke up at 9:30pm to watch television for a couple of hours and then continued on the same vein in my memoirs from midnight for many hours until 5:30am today.  

I had one more deserved break, before I concluded an hour and a half later on the final slice of my accounts of the fourteenth and those many hours after until this hour.

A Marathon Writing Session In Statistics

If you calculate the statistics, where since the fourth hour of the fifteenth there were three spells in my memoirs and two breaks, it astounds me to discover that in those thirty hours, sixteen and a half were dedicated to my memoirs while thirteen and a half were dedicated to breaks and sleep.  

I wrote for eight hours.  I rested for twelve hours.  I wrote for five and a half hours more, then rested for an hour and a half.  I then wrote for a further three hours, and here we are on a new tireless expedition.  

I believe the last thirty hours for its dense focus on literature is unique, because in the history of my memoirs, I have never such a monopoly seen of such concentrated inscription.

Persecution Through Poverty

I am unsure on what to do today.  Already I feel accomplished because I measured 83.7 kilos on the scales.  I have suffered too much mental exhaustion to give cardiovascular exercise any serious consideration, but I may head into town just to purchase a sugar-free guarana drink, because I can.  I could use this as a perk and come back home to entertain another discipline.

I realize now by this simple freedom how unfortunate I was in the last two weeks.  Not only did I have to endure withdrawal symptoms because of a discontinuation of Olanzapine (which I still suffer in the field of insomnia) but I was also deprived of certain liberties because I was broke.  I was unable to participate or entertain ideas like trips into town to purchase a sugar-free drink of guarana because I lacked the money to fulfill the desire.  So for this reason, an absence of money also deprived me of the ability to be responsible.

If I had money available to me I could monitor its flow and be responsible, but when there is no need to monitor your money, the failure of the system that allows one to be responsible results in persecution.  I may have been depressed even more for this reason, but now I have a shred of money available, which allows me to assume a responsible station to police the flow of money once more.

Moving On From Zyprexa (Olanzapine)

In other news, I do not have insulin enhancers anymore.  I relinquished them a week or so back, but all this healthy food and the lack of Olanzapine (the retainer of kilos) works in my favor.  

I may have an inactive metabolism now because I have only eaten small morsels of food over vast sedentary hours in this clerical chair, but a walk into town and some suitable food may help kick-start the metabolic process.

Tightening The Financial Belt

In more news, the books I purchased online were canceled because the site was unable to process my credit card, of course because it had no money.  I may have to retry in a month or so.

On the topic of frugal choices, I think I may have to cease the purchase of “FHM” magazines now.  I come to this conclusion because I feel like the popular magazine – once an indelible cultural identifier – serves no purpose anymore.

I do not relish the FHM magazine like I used to.  Often it collects dust because all these other priorities outrank recreational reading.  I will be able to save more money as a result, but a legacy that helped keep me abreast with women may tempt me to purchase a seller on occasion in the future as a refresher course.

Penning A Title For This Month

I have also had to deliberate immensely on a label for the month.  I have written down drafts that measure in the dozens.  I had a selection of buzzwords to compile into a sentence, but an excess of additions complicated the process.

I annexed the buzzword “venom” to symbolize the withdrawals produced by the discontinuance of Olanzapine.  “Paralysis” also featured heavily as an explanation for the symptoms ascribed to the withdrawals.  

I incorporated “bottleneck” as an exemplar of the financial mess inherited because of a desire to finalize all of the commodities by the close of this month, so bottleneck represents how hard it was to squeeze all the benefit out of the few dollars that would be spared this month.  

I added “lumps” to explain the ups and downs, but all these buzzwords made for such complicated labels that a clean slate had to be created.

I found inspirational significance in the word “hare” because it represents what I believe will be a crucial transition.  I deduced this from the interpretations of the rabbit and the hare, where the rabbit represents schizophrenia, indomitable crucibles, hope in hopelessness, and the past, while the hare represents adrenaline, a conquerable obstacle, hope in hope, and the future.

Transition From The Rabbit To The Hare

I believe I have transitioned from a designated schizophrenia-based compound to an autonomous adrenaline-based philosophy, which is the transition from the rabbit to the hare.  So while the rabbit represents so much of the mannerisms described in earlier entries, it is the symbolism of transition from hopelessness to hope that the rabbit and the hare represent.

This is why I have ascribed The Advent of the Hare in a Baptism Under Fire to this month because it announces the transition into a new era of the hare and explains the process as well in the baptism under fire, which allows a vivid interpretation of venom, paralysis, the bottleneck, lumps, withdrawals and the turmoil of the previous weeks.  

The hare is the birth of a new approach where I am allowed to believe I am curable.

I may relapse one day back into the rabbit if alas the surreal symptoms recur but I am the hare for as long as I remain positive and improve on the prognosis of mental illness.  

It remains to be seen whether the hare is a manifestation of a physiological modification represented by a redistribution of serotonin (or other chemicals) or whether he is just a placebo, which will be personified by a psychological omission of schizophrenia from my psyche, but I believe the hare will be around for a while.

I have faith that he is neither a fad nor a pipedream, because even while for years I have been censured from the belief that I am curable, I never abandoned faith.  Now the last few weeks validate the beliefs I had as valid reasons to consider the hare.  

I know the hare has problems as well, but he is a level closer to my theories whilst a level farther from the fallacies of professionals.  So the hare is a condensed version of all my ideologies whose direction lead to brighter days.

For now I am happy, so I will head out into town as planned.  I will have some exercise, purchase my exalted sugar-free guarana drink, be in awe of life and its temptations, and then come back home hopeful to be inspired into some more disciplined work.  I nonetheless need recreation now as a reward for all this selfless work done.  I have been online in the background for over forty hours now, so I will commence downloads and disappear to make twofold the merriment of the hour.