First Friends Date With Lyssa – Mad Chaos: July 12, 1998

Postpone Jam Session With Ralf

Here I am for the third time tonight, writing about the day’s events.  Trying to be as straight forward as possible, let me start with waking up this morning to Ralf calling at 10:30am  

“Is it a good idea if I come over today as planned,” he asked me while still half asleep.

“Oh.  I will be visiting Lyssa later today.  If you want to come over, we can hang out for an hour.  Then I have to leave,” I tried to squirm my way out of it.

Ralf thought about it for only a couple of seconds before he responded.

“It is going to be hell trying to get my equipment there and then back home in an hour.  Let’s do it another time.”

Hanging up the phone to Ralf I was still extremely tired.  I decided to wind the alarm to 11:30am.  

Call Lyssa To Postpone Date

When the alarm eventually woke me up I called Lyssa without getting up.  

“Lyssa is still in bed.  Let me get her,” Lyssa’s mum fetched her for me.  

Lyssa sounded just as groggy as I was.

“Give me a call when you wakes up so I can come over,” I told Lyssa.

 That gave me some more time to sleep.  I went back to bed and disregarded setting the alarm.

Wakeful to the sound of the telephone, I observed the time being 1pm.  Lyssa was on the phone.  

After a little talk about what we both done last night, Lyssa asked me over.

“You should get ready to come over.  Also, can you rent the movie Freeway?”

Lyssa Tries To Make Me Jealous

Lyssa once told me that when we break up she’s going to try and make me jealous.  Now she might have been sarcastic but she’s said it so many times I feel the vibe already.  

“My next boyfriend will either be Lebanese, Italian or Greek,” Lyssa told me last night.  

What kind of shit is that?  

But, there comes a time when you have to learn to let go, not care anymore about who she’s with.  That time will come soon.  My mind just can’t get over the fact that Lyssa was having more fun last night than she normally would have been.

Guys Hanging Off Of Lyssa

Lyssa also told me some news about last night that was upsetting to me, yet I don’t know the whole truth of the matter.

What concerned me was the fact that Lyssa went to Chevy’s last night with Kiley, Kieran and four other guys she knew from her old school.  Now that wasn’t so bothersome, knowing she was there dancing around males all night but the fact that they all had to cram into Kiley’s car made me think.  

There’s Kiley and Kieran sitting comfortably in the front seat and then Lyssa (who was probably wearing another skirt and smelling pretty) sitting in the back (or rather lying over them is my vision) with four other guys.  It doesn’t take a genius to realize that their senses were all heightened and emphasizing the height, if you know what I mean.

Lyssa also told me last night that they left Chevy’s at 2:30am.  That would have been legitimate but then when she suddenly changed her story to 3am like she never said the latter time, it aroused my suspicions.  Nevertheless, I didn’t ask much damaging questions because they’re not really any of my business anymore.    

How may I ask do five people fit into the back of a small Colt?  The only thing that would make me feel better is if Lyssa sat in the front seat alongside Kiley but I really don’t think that happened the way Lyssa was explaining it.

Judging from my experience with Lyssa, the year we had been together, I can gather that she probably wouldn’t have liked any of them, let alone do anything with them.  

I told Lyssa, “I will bring over one of my Bonds shirts.  You remember the light blue Bonds shirt you picked out for me?  You can have that one.  I know you wanted it.  Plus, light colors don’t suit me.  I will bring the video tape with Madonna.  You can have it too.”

With those items in my mind I prepared myself.  I had a shower and something to munch on.  Then grabbing the Vegemite jar from upstairs I was on my way.  

Work For The Dole Scheme

Receiving a letter today from Lyssa’s house, I have been on Youth Allowance for over six months and now it’s time to “Work For The Dole” as they say.  There are many choices but I want to consider studying.  

For tomorrow I have no plans other than calling Centrelink and explaining to them my correct address.  I have told them I lived with Lyssa all this time.  Maybe I will visit Campbelltown to inquire about some short courses for Graphic Design.  

There must be plenty of angry people out there regarding this new scheme.  Personally I think they don’t need the scheme but it does help me get off my butt and find work now.  

On The Road To Lyssa’s House

I walked to Bradbury shops where I rented Freeway after some extensive searching.  From there I walked to the bus stop but realizing it would be half an hour my journey on foot began.

Trying to avoid any contact with Ralf, I decided to walk past Bradbury pools and made it to Campbelltown in half an hour.  Reaching the station in breakneck speed I caught a train within the minute and was rapt with my timing.  From there I walked to Lyssa’s house.  The whole trip from my house only took an hour.  

Fake Smiles Greet Me

When I reached Lyssa’s house, my suspicions were elevated.  Walking through the park I noticed Lyssa out the front talking to someone in a white car.  I couldn’t tell whose it was.  Walking to the front, Lyssa was oblivious that I was coming up, but judging by the fake smiles I was receiving from Kiley and Kieran, there must have been something they were talking about, maybe last night.

The intimidating smiles they gave me didn’t turn me off, as I walked up to Lyssa who didn’t even turn to look at me or even acknowledge that I was there.  Lyssa was probably talking ill about me, who knows.  

Lyssa probably told the happy couple that Lyssa broke up with me and so proudly noted that I was sucking up her ass or something.  That’s not the case at all.  I hope Lyssa doesn’t believe my bogus visions.

Lyssa Starts Aerobics Classes

Waving Kiley and Kieran goodbye, Lyssa rushed into her house to get changed.  I thought it was quite odd when Lyssa told me not to look while she was changing but left her door open for the whole time.  The reason I know this is because I was walking to Lyssa’s room to obtain my letters from Centrelink but was stopped short as Lyssa was up to her bra.  Turning the cheek I waited until she was done.

“Guess what?  Kiley and I are starting Aerobics classes in a week.  I will be starting weights soon too. My stomach is already getting smaller.” Lyssa boasted.   

For Lyssa to start Aerobics and weights just after we break up, that’s got to be some sort of revenge.  In my mind, I believe that if Lyssa didn’t have the determination with me, she never would have had any.  Good luck to her if she becomes skinny and muscular, it would have never happened with me.

But that’s the truth with me also, things become stale when a relationship carries on over time.  Losing my job, not caring and then distracting my mind are all good examples.  

Now that I’m not with Lyssa, I guess motivation is greatly increased for some reason, now that I have nothing to do.  

Before I had Lyssa there was no real need to bother with anything else when I was happy.  Now that I have nothing to do, no ambition or nothing to call mine, I will strive for fullness once again, as I know Lyssa would also be.  But if Lyssa is just starting weights out of spite then there is no space for her within me anymore.

Kiley and Lyssa have gotten close over the past week.  Being the nurturing soul Kiley would like to think she is, she will be taking her out, treating her nice so that Lyssa can more or less forget about me and our torturous break up.  

Freeway (1996) Movie Review

Loading the video into the video player, I noticed no one was around.  Lyssa’s mum was out in the backyard for most of the time and Kuper was out.  

Starting to watch our movie Freeway, Lyssa sat on one couch and I sat on the other couch.  That arrangement didn’t seem to bother either of us. I was completely oblivious that we sat like that until some way through the movie.  Lyssa turned on the heater for warmth and heated her feet up while she was there.  

The movie was full of swearing.  Being somewhat boring, there was no real interest but it was an alright movie.  Lyssa sat down on the ground to attract more of the heater.  After ten minutes I thought I would sit down there with her because it seemed like it was her way of saying, “Come here and join me.  I won’t bite.”

Used To Lyssa Being My Girl

Once I sat on the floor with Lyssa she was coyer with me.  Being uniquely playful, she kept pushing me away with her foot wishing I would muck around back with her.  

After one week of being separated, there should be some friendly relationship.  

This was it.  Although, Lyssa didn’t really know how to express herself when she was being playful, she’s used to being my ‘Girl’.  The whole ordeal was new to me but we both handled it like pros.

Halfway through the movie Lyssa and I noticed Kuper walking up the stairs.  Prepared for his surprise that I would be there I kept watching television.  In the corner of the television I could see the hallway behind me.  Looking in that one spot I noticed Kuper walk in and then turn around in shock.  I think he said “What” in surprise.  Then as Lyssa and I turned around he greeted the both of us before he was on his merry way.  People just don’t understand do they.  Kuper spent a couple of minutes in the house.  Then he was on his way.

Back to the movie, we kept pausing because Lyssa would keep getting snacks and drinks for me.  Nearing the end of the movie while I was sitting next to Lyssa she let her folded legs touch mine.  After that she persisted.  There’s nothing wrong with that but I knew that there was intimacy involved.  To tell you the truth, I was feeling the brunt of not having had any intercourse for over a week and I know Lyssa was feeling it too.  Still, that is one of the perils of breaking up.  Because Lyssa and I aren’t maintaining a mutual relationship that involves sexuality, it makes it that much harder on the both of us.  Still, I have no regrets that our break up turned out this way.  I thought it ended rather well.  

Thinking that Lyssa wanted a hug I held back my feelings.  Not wanting to make Lyssa think I was weak, if Lyssa wants to hug me she can ask.  I don’t want to take the initiative if she probably doesn’t even want to.

Watch Home Videos With Lyssa

When the movie Freeway was over Lyssa and I had nothing to do.  Racking my brains I asked Lyssa to turn on the home video she told me about.  Lyssa flicked through her movies and revealed Kuper and Carleigh’s engagement party video.  Chucking that on, we noticed that the video wasn’t playing.  So we sat there for ten minutes trying to work out the thing.  Rewinding the tape all the way, Lyssa pressed play and it started to work.

Relaxing on the sofa once again we started to view the movie, as Lyssa’s mum came in the room.  Five minutes later Kuper came back home.  Once again I was looking in the reflection.  Looking back, Kuper’s eyes were wide open in shock.  

He repeatedly asked, “Why are you watching this,” in curiosity.  

Either Lyssa wasn’t paying attention or she didn’t want to answer the question, but the topic was changed.

Old Behaviors Never Change

Soon after that the video was over and Lyssa invited me to her room so she can show me the new photos.  Scanning through the photos of Jayla’s farewell, there were some shockers there, all except the group photo.  

Once again with nothing to occupy our time or a disastrous breadth of silence, I asked Lyssa to the back porch where we sat next to Misty.  Reading through the paper we just encountered in idle chit chat.  Lyssa and I got shitty with each other because she wanted to look through part of the paper but I wanted to also read it.  

Nothing has really changed in our tempers.  

I guess that needs time or our attitudes towards each other will never change.

Lyssa’s mum offered me a lift to the station, so I gladly accepted.  Lyssa also jumped in the car.  Saying goodbye to Kuper I jumped in the back of the car.  This generosity denied us our quiet time alone to say goodbye.  It’s a relief in some ways, as we don’t have to feel pressured.  Although, hugging Lyssa goodbye wouldn’t have been that bad, I’m sure she wouldn’t have disagreed.  If she did, well that’s just silly.

I was dropped off at the front of Leumeah station.

“Thank you for giving me a lift.  See you,” I thanked Lyssa’s mum and said goodbye to the both of them.

Scoring Free Food From Friends

On my way back home I popped into Chicken In A Box because I was hungry.  Beforehand I noticed that girl with the beautiful eyes that works there.  Walking in we made some nice eye contact, but because she was a younger hand, she wasn’t able to serve.  No matter, I bought my food and was then on my way, giving one last look in her direction.  Pacing myself down Queen Street I kept looking in window reflections toward her shop but didn’t notice her looking down.  Who would have known.

Passing Sydney Fried Chicken (once a very visited shop by Lyssa and I) Yunus called out to me from the store.  Noticing both Yunus and Dawich there I decided to chat with them and walked in the store.  The older Yunus was there with his girlfriend, also with very nice eyes.  Chatting with them for only a minute, Dawich offered me a Banana Fritter.  Taking that, I bid them farewell.  Shaking their hands goodbye (raising my eyes at the lady) I was on my way home.

Walking just before Ralf’s house I noticed Keith pulling up over the road.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Ralf was getting dropped off, so I waited.  If I had kept walking we would have met and there I would have been listening to Ralf talk for a couple of hours.  When the coast was clear I continued my journey.  

Lyssa Does Not Call Tonight

Arriving at Bradbury shops I dropped off the video and was then on my way home.

When I arrived home I was going to call Lyssa around 9pm just to say goodnight but I decided against it.  The reason being if Lyssa wanted to talk with me tonight she would have called.  What do you know, she didn’t.  That makes me feel alone somewhat, especially as I’m thinking what could have happened last night at Chevy’s.  

Play Myth – The Fallen Lords For PC

Now that I’ve been home for a couple of hours I’ve been playing the computer and am on the verge of finishing the game ‘Myth – The Fallen Lords’.  When I do actually finish the game I will start all over again and see how far I can get again.  

Work On Dedications CD Artwork

Also tonight I’m going to work on the CD Artwork and listen to some music.  My only problem now is arranging three voices to talk on the last track.  That shouldn’t be a great problem.  The only hurdle would be the lady voice.  Maybe I should advertise or inquire within the ‘Drum Media’ once again.  Maybe if I read in the miscellaneous section I will find what I am looking for.

Now it’s almost midnight, I know Lyssa isn’t going to call.  This weekend I thought we were going to be a day without conversation but I was wrong indeed.

I think too much or it’s a long month ahead of me, because I’m already past one hundred pages and it’s not even halfway through the month.