Lyssa Slips Into Depression – Mad Chaos: June 22, 1998

Another day has passed.  Even though it was raining heavily today, that didn’t stop me from carrying on the absorbency of this month.

A Plan Starts With A Phone Call

This morning Lyssa gave me a call at 7:30am in the morning.  The reason, Lyssa wanted to meet with me after College.  Because there were no phones at College, this would be the best time to inform me.  Half asleep, I remember Lyssa wanting to meet me and the time to meet, but once I woke up, I couldn’t remember where.

Lying in my bed for a couple more hours, I finally woke up at 2pm.  Drowsy even at this time of day, I stumbled upstairs to collect a towel and then headed for the bathroom.  After having a shower I quickly dried my hair in order to get out of the house before 2:15pm.  

Laws of physics, they prevent you with the equilibrium of time, and that’s what slowed me down.  Wanting to travel to the library, print out some copies of Ali’s car in different colors and visit the bank, I tried my hardest to hurry up.  With my hair dyer, there is only a certain speed I could successfully dry my hair. After twenty minutes, I was ready.  The time stretched until 2:45pm.  Then I knew I had no hope of following my plans.

A Trip To The Bank

Raining heavily outside I decide to call the respectable powers of my dad and asked him for a lift.  Turning off my radio I put my shoes on.  With the car started and rearing out of the garage, I made my way outside.  Mum was also coming for the trip.  She was traveling to Bradbury shops.  To cut this story short, I was dropped off at the back of Pizza Hut.

Now with an hour to play with, I traveled to the bank and withdrew my money.  Walking into the bank I entered a small queue and deposited $60 into my Credit Card.  Walking outside, I immediately noticed Lyssa on the other side of the road.  It’s ironic how Lyssa showed up early and I had things to do.  Regardless, I chased Lyssa down and walked behind her, clutching her around the waist without her noticing.  Surprised, she turned around and told me she was looking around for me.  Looks like I found her.  

Lyssa Visits Her Doctor

Lyssa lay off College an hour early because her brain was working overtime and she was stressed.  We continued walking to the Mall where Lyssa had to see her doctor for test results.  We both walked in.  As Lyssa booked herself in we sat down.  

After five minutes, I jumped up.  Visiting Sanity listened to a new CD and then purchased “Johnny Gill”.  Listening to one more CD, I then headed back to where Lyssa was.

In good time, Lyssa was called in to her doctor.  As we both sat there, the doctor also checked her moles on her stomach.  Lyssa mentioned they were feeling itchy lately.  All her tests for her dizzy spells and nausea came back positive so the doctor couldn’t really see a problem.  The doctor (not her normal doctor) thought it would be a good idea to stay away from solid foods for 48 hours if the problem was a virus.  

Retail Shopping In The Mall

When all was done, Lyssa signed her name and then we headed for the Mall.  Giving Lyssa some money for the train and for food, she bought hot chips.  Seated on the tables we talked about her College, about my clothes shopping and how Lyssa was getting home.  Giving Lyssa my phone card, she called her mum.  After a couple of minutes she came back telling me she couldn’t get picked up like she planned.  

With that news we started walking around looking for clothes to buy in the line of some Adidas pants and a jacket.  There were some good clothes that we checked out, but they either didn’t fit me or suit me, so we came out empty handed.

Lyssa thought I was being grumpy and I took offence to that.  Vibes between Lyssa and I weren’t right. There was something missing.  Nevertheless, after finishing our shopping we headed to Campbelltown station so Lyssa could wait for her bus.

The Reason Lyssa Is Depressed

Sitting down together, we were hugging each other, but Lyssa was being quiet.  Trying to figure out what was wrong with Lyssa, it took me a couple of minutes to find out.  Lyssa started to get depressed.  Then she told me how she was thinking about what I had said two weeks ago (how I don’t feel for her 100% anymore), last night.  Lyssa told me there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t at least think about it once and it still hurts.  You could tell Lyssa was really upset, but I comforted her and asked her to hug me.

Honestly, I know what Lyssa would be feeling, but there has to come a time when Lyssa and I break up.  

There is no possible way I can justify my actions.  My real thoughts upon this issue are simple.  Like the thought of my body being one place and my mind being in another, I know that there is only a certain amount of time before my relationship (or what I knew it for) with Jewell is divided.  Knowing that I want to experience memories with Jewell once again, I don’t want to lose Lyssa in the process.

There just isn’t a magical solution for this whole prospect, but there is a magical number I hope I achieve.  The magical number being the date Lyssa and I become separate and Jewell and I begin.  Hopefully, when that time comes, Lyssa will feel as comfortable about the decision as I should hope to be.  Hopefully, my relationship with Jewell hasn’t deteriorated.  There is a peril in all of this.  I could come out with nothing but that’s just a risk I will have to take.

Lyssa jumped on her bus.  Giving her a kiss goodbye I sat on the bench occasionally waving to Lyssa until the bus doors closed and the bus departed.  Lyssa and I waved for the last time that night.  Then picking myself up I headed for the Library.

Print Celica Artwork On Library Computers

Luckily, the library was open until 8:30pm tonight.  The trip to the library was soaking.  When I reached the library, my jacket and pants were drenched.  Luckily, no computers were fully booked so it wasn’t a waste of time.  

Placed on a computer, I began my work.  After a few little hazards, I was on my way to printing a couple of pages.  I was happy with the outcome.  After half an hour I headed to the front to call someone because it was pouring.

Pass Photos Around To Ali’s Friends

Waiting for the public payphone, one of Ali’s Lebanese friends called me out.  The same guy that is going to re-paint Ali’s car waved to me.  Remembering him, I walked up to have a talk, since I was waiting.  

Greeting him, he noticed the pictures of the car.  Showing them to him, he looked mystified.  Flicking through the pictures of the car and different colors, he liked what he had seen and commented that the purple and gold colors looked good.  

A couple of other Lebanese guys came over who also knew Ali.  The original guy I was talking to left because his lift arrived.  Showing the pictures to the other guys, they too appreciated the pictures.  With one of the pictures I engraved “Streak PERFORMANCE” into the grass between both cars, it looked excellent.

Ali Cruises Down

Calling Imad’s mobile phone it didn’t contact, so I thought I would ring Ali to see where he was.  Answering his mobile after a ring, he was at home with Penelope.  Informing him about the pictures and putting him onto the guy that is painting his car, he decided to come down and pick me up.  While there I talked to the remaining Lebs.  Then ten minutes later Ali showed up.  Departing, I gave them the handshake and then jumped into the back seat.

Greeting Ali and Penelope, I turned the inside light on and showed Penelope and Ali the printouts.  They too were amazed.  They especially loved the new picture I created with the two Gold Celicas and “Streak PERFORMANCE” engraved in the grass.  

All the way home we were viewing the pictures and talking about colors.  Ali couldn’t keep his eyes on the road.  Arriving at my house I gave all pictures but one to Ali, the one with the engraved name.  It was my favorite.  Ali was spewing but I told him I’ll print it again.

Now back home, I tried giving Lyssa a call but her brother as usual was on the phone.  Deciding to give Imad a call I told him about the photos but that dampened my high.  Within our phone call Lyssa called, she wanted me to call her back after dinner.  Back to Imad, I didn’t really have much to say after that so I said goodbye.

Lyssa Goes Quiet On The Phone

When the time reached 8pm I called Lyssa back but she was on the phone with Penelope.  Calling her back in ten minutes Lyssa told me how Penelope was doing nothing tomorrow and if I wanted to, ring Ali up to see if it’s alright to go shopping with Penelope tomorrow.  Thinking this was a bit weird, I gathered Ali would probably have a spew if Penelope was out with anyone else but him, so I thought I would.

Lyssa was quiet on the phone.  I started getting frustrated because she wasn’t saying anything.  Lyssa would tell me nothing was wrong, but I knew she was thinking the same thoughts as when we were waiting for a bus.  

Continually, we didn’t have much to say to each other.  Repeatedly, when I asked what was wrong, Lyssa would tell me nothing.  Now angry, I told Lyssa if there’s nothing to talk about then might as well go for the night.  Saying goodnight, Lyssa huffed and then said “bye” and we both hung up.  Agitated about the fact that something was wrong and Lyssa wasn’t telling me, I knew Lyssa would call back.  She didn’t say goodnight.

Confronting Lyssa About Her Silence

Not giving Lyssa the chance, I called her straight back and asked her what her problem was.  The truth came out.  Lyssa was just worried about how I felt about her.  Lyssa was worried about the fact I don’t feel fully for her.  Lyssa probably just wanted some reassurance that everything was alright, but I didn’t say much.  Both of us were agitated.  Once again we hung up because I was mad.  

Lyssa called back a couple of minutes later.  We talked it through but we both didn’t have many words to express.  All my attempts at soothing Lyssa’s evidently oppressive nature wouldn’t cheer her up.  In conclusion, Lyssa was still angry and upset, but we said goodnight to each other.  Lyssa is now probably sleeping it off.

The main reason Lyssa started feeling depressed was because she had a dream last night that I was having sex with some girl in front of her.  Some wicked dream, but Lyssa sought truth in that fantasy and merely thinking about it made her upset.  Some way to get upset, but Lyssa done it.

Phone Ali Up Regarding Penelope

Just after talking to Lyssa I called Ali up and asked him if Penelope was there.  Asking why, I told him that Lyssa thought it would be a good idea that Penelope helps me shop for clothes tomorrow.  Stunned, he asked me to repeat it.  Then he made it clear that he was envious.  Informing me that Penelope might be doing things tomorrow and it might be hard to get into contact with her, he said to try her in the morning.  But I knew he was resenting the whole thing.  Ali was possessive and suspicious to say the least.  

While we were talking, Ali also revealed how he took out his Celica with the broken differential to Kentlyn.  Imad taped Ali blowing out one of the tires.

So there is my day.  After that telephone conversation I played the computer, and here I am now writing this.  

This month is almost to a halt.  Already I have written a substantial amount of literature, it’s dumbfounding.  Well, as it always is, I have to be off now.  So I shall talk to you another day.