The Second Dedications CD – Mad Chaos: March 26, 1998

Imad Asks Me To Check Up On Dina

Whoops, let me just explain what happened last night.  Imad gave me a call late in the night talking to me from Mobil.  Giving me a call back he told me that Dina was home alone and there was a suspicious car out the front, a green Gemini.  Taking that situation into consideration, I donned some clothing, my knife and jogged in rain to her house. 

Reaching her house I found no car out the front, as I knocked on her door.  She opened with the phone in her hand and handed it over.  Imad was on the phone.  Giving me some information and asking me to jot down the license plate number if it comes back, I stayed over Dina’s house for the next half an hour. 

In that time Dina showed me some of her new CDs.  We exchanged our ideas on music.  I heard some good music and found out some interesting information.  Dina gave me a list of CDs that I should purchase, as I did to her.  When time was up, Imad called back.  Then after circling the block, I was back to home.

New Song Lyrics Inspired By Jewell

Today is the day that Jewell and I had ceased our days together as one and ventured off into our own worlds.  Most would think that I prospered but I beg to differ.  Even though Jewell has been trapped in the void of her life where I was her existence, she is the one who has prospered.  There might be great things that I have gone out and done, things that I have tried to be, but Jewell, in the void of her life she is living, none changed but the appearance of her face, that is change for the better.

Regarding the CD that I am making for Jewell, I haven’t really been thinking anything of it for the past fortnight until tonight.  Unbeknownst to me, and sneaking up like it always does, tunes started whistling in my head, new tunes and new ideas.  There is a tune for a song in there but with the eleven tunes I already have on paper, I’ll find it hard to remember every single note, so I left it alone.  From what I remember of the lyrics it goes…

What should I do (“What should I do” sung in Chorus) to keep me from loving you,

You told me to throw my love away and that’s what I try and do, but I just can’t stay away from you.

The song literally represents a time in a relationship where the girl wants to break it off and the man’s mind goes blank.  His thoughts are all up in the air.  As he can’t think straight, he knows he wants to still be with her, to be one, but she pushes too hard.  So the song is sung in the man’s head, “What should I do,” he doesn’t know.

As thoughts were drifting blissfully in my mind I remembered about the wording I wanted to use for Jewell’s CD and one of the Boyz II Men songs I wanted to mix it with.  Things have been starting to come full circle with my ideas, as more information is being gathered. 

Taking The Song To The Next Level

Ringing around today, I booked the internet in the City for next Thursday.  The reason I want to browse the internet is because I want to find out if I can listen to music available on CDs. 

I might be buying a modem and hooking up.  What I also done in Campbelltown today was look around at prices for modems and the best sound card I could get for my computer.  Prices are fairly cheap.

Next I thought that I could advertise over the Internet for some voiceovers after calling some more numbers.  Calling CD-ROM Services in North Sydney (which I visited for the last CD I burnt) I received a mouthful of information.  For a start, I can rent a CD burner for a day at $75.  That is music to my ears, as I can use it at my house and at my own leisure and can also copy songs for my private use.  The man can still print onto CD covers with black and white.  He also has color printing available but it isn’t as good.

Mixing Music On PC

For about two or three hours I’ve been mixing on my computer and I am getting better.  What I’ve actually done is tape my voice through a microphone onto the computer quoting parts of the poem I gave to her and the dates that were of significance. 

From there I taped some Titanic music with no wording, soft and reluctant music, and mixed it with the wording to produce a soft sounding, caramel centered filling.  With that I placed it at the end of the Boyz II Men song.  It sounds real good.  I can’t wait until I can accomplish this feat. 

A good reason to do all this work is so that I can have a working knowledge of computers and multimedia, a start on the career that I want and need in music.

Creating The Second Dedications CD

Back to the CD, I am using at least four songs I have already picked out for the CD where I will have to try at least four other songs to add and replace. 

At Dina’s house last night I picked out a good song that relates to a date I didn’t write, an unnoted date where I gave Jewell her very first letter, a letter that has such significance to this CD and our lives.  The song, which is a forgotten date, is a song with good dynamics about writing a short letter.  If I get a good listen to it and like the sound, I might think about including it.

So far I have to consider a song for our first kiss, our first encounter, the day things started going wrong, maybe even our break up, a song for our 100 days and 50 days apart, and then one or two songs of how I’ve missed her and how I need her.  The songs I already have are our meeting, our first kiss, maybe our break up song, and then an ending song with the voiceover at the end.

Once again, I have embarked on a small mission, yes, small to me now, but what will the future bring, where does this journey end and where is my new beginning.  I guess only time will tell and I guess that everything will be okay, if I just hold on.

Unable To Secure New Job

Regarding the position that I had to call on Wednesday morning, Lyssa called me early in the morning to wake me up and call A.H.A.  Giving them a call, my mouth fell in shame, as I didn’t receive the position. 

I sat there listening to them tell me that I should try for an Information Technology Traineeship and that I basically didn’t get the job because they thought the job wasn’t what I was looking for.  So instead of having me to do all the work plus help everyone with their work, they probably chose a girl (I’m really starting to think that the male gender is discriminated against in the circumstance that a male wants a computer or clerical position), who will paint her nails, break the photocopier and use the phone to call all her friends and brag about her new job. 

On that note let me just say that when I put down the phone, I was very pissed off.  I sounded nice and calm on the phone, but I was angry at the decision.

Lyssa called me ten minutes later.  I had to tell her the news.  It upset both of us.  To think, the day before I thought I had a job.  I was happy and gearing up to start work on Monday. 

Today, I found that I was once again rejected of a chance to join with civilization.  It hurt.  I’d hate to think that it has deterred me from looking for another job, at least for a while, but I know it has. 

In this time of peace and serenity, I think I will concentrate on trying my options with learning.  I will focus more on trying to break into music… somehow.

Prepare To Meet Lyssa

Going back to sleep, I woke up hours later and had something to eat.  Then, I played around on the computer and started making my calls.  Lyssa called me at 3:30pm.  She told me that she was coming home early because she was real sick at work.

Hanging up the phone, I put my clothes on and started jogging to Campbelltown.  On the way I had seen the bitch that Ali had done something with.  I snobbed her as I kept walking to Campbelltown. 

Having some time to spare I looked around some computer stores.  I worked out what I needed and the variation in prices.  Having to pee real bad, I walked into the fire stairs in one of the high rise buildings on Queen Street and found  myself a toilet.

Lyssa Has Recurring Medical Condition

Walking to the station I noticed Lyssa walking up to meet me.  Lyssa’s face was teary.  I looked at her green eyes and a dried up stream of water leading to her chin.  The pain must have been so bad for Lyssa for her to cry.  Lyssa told me the problem was urinary and was extended from the last time we were sexual. 

Lyssa started bleeding prematurely down there today.  As we walked to see the doctor, I got some information on the subject.  His prognosis was that Lyssa was dry the last time we had done something. 

A problem that keeps occurring sexually is that she becomes tight.  When I penetrate I keep hitting her bladder.  Repeatedly hitting the bladder I bruised it and then eventually worsened it until she started bleeding today.  The doctor told her it is dominant in young women around the age of 18 years.

Buying some tablets at the chemist for her problem, we walked to Giorgio’s Restaurant.  Lyssa just felt like a hot chocolate drink with topping.  We both sat there and talked.  We talked of the job that I didn’t get and how Lyssa almost cried when I told her I didn’t secure the position.  She had seen that I really wanted the job from day one.  On the day of my second interview I was so confident I had the job.  Then, they call me and I think I have the job. 

Lyssa told me how she didn’t have enough time to buy my presents but she gave me clues and told me there were three presents.

Lonestar Dinner With Lyssa

From there we walked to Lonestar and sat down to our usual meal.  Lyssa and I now talked of how her boss at work had taken her and some colleagues to lunch for two hours.  We then talked of how her mum was leaving for America in just over two weeks and how I was applying for ‘Living away from home’ allowance for when I will be living at Lyssa’s house.

Well, leaving Lonestar we hurried so Lyssa could catch her bus.  Giving her a kiss and lending some bus money, I done my usual wave to her until she was out of sight.  Ten minutes later my bus came and I was home in no time.

Argue With Lyssa

While I’ve been home I’ve been playing on the computer and talking to Lyssa on the phone.  We got into a small heated argument over the phone because I thought she was getting angry at the fact that I wouldn’t do a favor for her and she used money as a deterrent saying, “Well I done a favor with your train ticket.”  What I thought was that she was using money to get at me, but I was wrong.  After calling each other back twice we sorted out the problem.  Now Lyssa is fast asleep to wake up for work tomorrow.

Now that Lyssa has this problem it will be hard to even think about penetration with Lyssa.  Penetration might hurt her, so we will have to find more constructive ways to contort our bodies without matching A to B. 

Life is once again starting to get on my nerves but I feel, at these low times is my best opportunities.  I always find something excellent just down the dark tunnel that will lift me back up.

Dad Leaves For Queensland

My dad left today for Queensland.  He should have arrived by now.  Jeez, I hope he didn’t get lost on the way there.  That would be pretty bad. 

Some news on television… In America, two school kids aged 11 and 13 went on a killing spree at their school and killed at least 3 people.  Crazy world these days.