Today is Imad’s eighteenth birthday, a good way to remember that I lost my girlfriend to friendship.
I was down at Pizza Hut today with Simon and Keith. Nothing happened until I got home.
Losing Jewell To Friendship
All day I was thinking about what was wrong with Jewell, I could tell that something was wrong yesterday at the party and in the day at the city. I just couldn’t tell what. There was a problem though.
How can someone be so good to a person, so innocent and right, that the person would then only want friendship, because she probably feels that this would be the only way to keep the person forever.
How do my emotions do this? I knew that I was different to everyone else in general, but this shouldn’t happen to me.
Jewell Walks With Elli
When I rang Jewell tonight she wasn’t home for a long time. She went for a walk with Elli. They were talking about me, which I found out.
LIFE, why do we go through the pain and struggle that we do. What does it all evolve to.
If this is a dream
I choose to stay awake,
If this is reality,
Then I must be dreaming…
Words mean nothing without expression.
SNIPER,
This is what I wrote to Jewell. She did get my letter on Friday. Just reading over that night she did start to act differently.
Jewell Wants To Be Friends
Jewell didn’t tell me about the letter today while I was talking to her on the phone.
The reason Jewell shies away from me is because since I have given her that letter and other little things she began to think, “I’m too good to go out with. If he goes out with me something could go wrong.” So her safe point is to be my friend, forever.
Like Blackstreet say, I don’t want to lose her love, I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want to let her go away.
I have too much to say tonight, so much feeling in my heart and mind.
Looking To Change Destiny
Jewell now feels different towards me. She doesn’t feel the way I feel. She will never want to touch my lips again.
I can change that.
I’m going to send her a letter tomorrow.
At first I was going to send her a letter folded up in the usual way with nothing on it, absolutely nothing.
Then I thought to send an envelope with a stamp in it.
Now I’m going to write her a poem. Each line will have a capital letter. The Capital letters will spell something, “When Can I Touch Your Lips Once More?”
I have a headache now trying to think all this through.
This is not the way it should happen. Jewell is having some thinking time now. She still wants to talk to me everyday.
The Love Letter Enigma
When Jewell received the letter Kofi told her what he knew when she told everyone.
I’m really confused and my neck hurts.
I’m going to have a shower now and get ready for work tomorrow. This letter gets my full attention starting now.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
