Writing Poetry About Jewell – Mad Chaos: March 17, 1997

Recapping the day today, I got to work late as usual. 

The day was spent thinking about Jewell.  

At the start of the day I worked on my letter to Jewell.  I had it finished by Lunch.  

At lunch I bought some special paper.  How the whole thing came together is unbelievable.  I can’t believe it myself.  

Writing Poetry To Jewell

I wrote a poem for her.  In the poem, every line has a letter highlighted.  The highlighted letters spell out something when read.  

The line reads “When Can I Touch Your Lips Once Again”.  

The poem was photocopied on special yellow paper.  The letters that made up the sentence were centered in the middle of the page.  

It is excellent.  It looks so good I don’t want to give her the original.  This is what it says.

How can I express myself

Without your embrace

Without you here beside me

Will your tears fall towards a night sky

Clouded in the middle of nowhere,

I’m standing all alone…

Don’t let the water run dry.

Maybe we can talk it over

Maybe we can’t,

But I’d love to try, with you.

I touch your heart,

Can you feel my emotions

What doesn’t make sense to you

I hold your thoughts,

But you shy away,

What doesn’t make sense to you

Who takes your breath away

Who still needs you to stay…

At night when the stars shine,

I’m praying that you’ll find,

These feelings are real,

When morning wakes me,

I need you to take me,

Come to me, I’ll wait for you,

Let me be the one you can turn to.

You may have my thoughts in your hands,

When I say goodnight,

I don’t think you understand,

What am I trying to say

What is written on my face

?

SNIPER

Very touching I must say.

Revealing Clues

“What is your favorite color and mine together,” I asked when we talked on the phone tonight.

“Green,” she told me.  

“What is green backwards?  Near G,” I asked her another question,

I then told her, “It is the lesser of the two, which would be, whoops I stuffed up.  I have to think of another one tomorrow.”  

She told me Green reminds her of envy so I wrote that on her letter.  The letter is dated 16th March 1997, the day of Imad’s Birthday.

Deciphering My Letter

It was special how Jewell found out Yesterday about the letter I sent her.  

While we were talking tonight, I didn’t know she had the letter.  

Then I just told her, “It has something to do with THE LETTER you.”  

She paused for a moment.  

Then I said, “Take the letter out Jewell.  

I heard her shuffle paper.

“Now that the letter is out what am I saying?  It has something to do with you,” and that something is in the letter.  

She was very surprised and she still couldn’t work it out, even though she had the letter.  

I like making women happy.  I like making everyone that comes past my path happy.  That’s who I am.  I will do anything to make you happy, to see a smile on your face and know that I put it there.

The Three Choices

Jewell and I talked about reality and fantasy tonight.  The reality is that she is still going out with me.  Jewell can’t just be my friend after having something as deep as we did.  It’s not logical to change without anything being wrong.  

I gave her three choices.

One: Have a fight with me.  Make it a real reason why we had to stop seeing each other.  It might sound stupid but it’s better than the fantasy she has created.

Two: She can keep seeing me and getting onto me, which won’t work because she just changed her mind.  It’s not my fault, it’s hers.  She has no real reason for not wanting what we had.  She just thought of us being friends on Saturday.  It sounded right in her head so she decided upon that.  

She isn’t real.  I told her that she wasn’t real, she was a fantasy and she has to come back to reality.

Three: Jewell and I could just fade away from each other never to see each other again.  On Saturday we will have been together for 50 days.  I told her five days before the date she has to make a decision, or else we just have to fade from each other.  

She chooses not to make a decision.  So I’m going to send my letter to her, to see if she changes her thought in any way.  

Then on Monday I’m going to send her one last letter.  This letter will have absolutely nothing on it, just a blank piece of paper.

I love playing mind games with people.  I astonish myself and them at the same time.  

Feeling My Legacy

I now know why I am put here on this earth.  Out of all the things that I do, all the things I am good at, there is one thing I am very good at.  That one thing is making people’s lives different, changing the way they feel about life.  

Whenever I enter a persons’ life, I will always change them and make them remember who I am.  

The next boyfriend Jewell will have she will hold all the things I have done for her in her mind.  She will never forget what I have done for her.  That makes me happy, knowing that I have touched someone.  

The lucky people get to know who I really am, the real me.  Jewell is one of those people.  She has felt my touch.  She has received my all.

Friends Share About Jewell

Now it is time to fold the letter correctly and get it ready to send to Jewell tomorrow.  With any luck she will get it on Thursday.

While at the party on Saturday, on how Lucas wanted to get onto Kiki, she now likes him.  I rang him while I was on the phone to Jewell.  

Norton then called me also asking if I knew where Kofi was.  

Crying From Guilt

Finding out tonight, I made Jewell cry yesterday.  She felt that she had made me upset.  She did, so she cried as soon as she got off the phone with me.  

I want to experience Jewell crying in front of me.  That might not happen but it might happen on Saturday night, our last night knowing each other if she doesn’t make a decision.  

I will be sad to see Jewell go.  She has been a very big lift in my life.  She has made me realize what I am now and I thank her for that.  

Thank you Jewell.