Angst Around Sama
I’m not sure where everything is going with Sama. I’m not sure. I’m just not sure. I’ve got to be able to talk to her innocently and good enough for her to fall for me as I have for her. Not being sure if she really has any feelings for me or not, I don’t want to let her make a move that will be of a disadvantageto me later.
After talking on the phone yesterday, I recall driving around with Keith for a short while. Then I slept.
Konquer Insurance Work Day
I awoke as of normal time today. As normal I caught the train to work.
Reaching work in Ashfield at 10am, I collected mail, answered lots of calls, and then done my own thing.
Mobile Work Day
Catching a train to the city, I came into Pioneer Hi-Fi. I received the remote control and book for the 50+1 CD player. I thanked Ken.
I walked out towards Burwood Commonwealth Bank for a loan. Rethinking my position on a loan, I’m going to wait for a while before applying or even thinking about it.
Ring Sama
Sama called me at work. So did Jett.
Sama was at Miranda shopping center, but all she bought was a $10 ring.
Finding A Jewell Resemblance
Today while talking to Yanna and reading a book, I spotted a picture that resembled Jewell, very much.
Deciding on what to do, I entered a print shop and got a color copy. Then I decided to take it to a Kodak shop and get image enhancement so I could place it on proper photo paper, then send it to Jewell to make her think “Where did he get this!”
The copy didn’t turn out good. So I kept the prints that are wallet-sized. I placed one photo print in my wallet. The other is still waiting to be dealt with.
Chilling To Rap Music
Upon coming home, Keith picked me up.
Jett drove over. He brought over ‘Baby Face’ and ‘Death Rows Greatest Hits’. I tested out my remote as we listened to them. He left them here.
The Letter From Phoenix
Today I also received my letter from Phoenix.
Dear Tony,
Well sorry about the front of the envelope but it didn’t know your last name.
So how are you? I really find it hard to tell people how I feel about them, so I thought I would write it. Well I do really, really like you, and your great looking and that’s a bonus.
I’m really sorry about the way I acted on Tuesday night. I really miss the conversations we had on the phone, things we told each other and the way you made me feel, I would do anything for all that back. Remember how I told you that I broke up with Jeremy a few times, each time I found an excuse to break up, but the reason, but I was just scared about what he would do if he found out I dumped him because I liked you.
But I have told him now, and look at the problem, just how I knew it would happen. And all this because I was being truthful to him and you.
Everything that went on between you and me made me realise how much I liked you. You know how I hung up on you it was because I was scared of how I felt about you, and the only way out was to hang up. I can’t ever tell anybody the way I feel about them so I push them away because I’m scared they will hurt me. But instead I hurt them, when that’s not what I meant to do. That’s just what happened with you. I’m hoping you will just think long and hard about all this before you make any decisions, please don’t think badly of me. When it all comes down to it I really love you, and will do anything to have what we had before. Well, I have to go for now.
See ya soon.
Lots of love
Phoenix Spears xxxx
The letter did make some sort of sense, but not enough for me to take her back after what had happened.
A song on Baby Face (track 7) sounds very good. It makes sense and it’s relaxing.
Discuss Letter With Phoenix
After ringing up Sama I decided to call Phoenix. We talked about the letter. I didn’t let her see anything from me.
Everything Is Up In The Air
Tonight I was sad. I called up Kofi. After some time talking, I asked him WHY Jewell hasn’t decided to contact me in any way? I’m very confused. As Sama would say, “Everything is up in the air.”
Kofi will talk to Zola tonight at 11pm about what I said. She will comment to Jewell. I can’t do it myself. There’s no power in me.
Cruise To Macdonald’s
Jett decided to drive to Macdonald’s. While there we saw Habib. He was telling the story of how I held 20 aboriginals at bay while looking for my bike, those days.
Then when he left, I jumped into conversation with Alison. She is a very nice person. I think that she likes me. I like her but that’s not the point. “Everything is up in the Air.”
A Promise To Self
I only hope that one day I will understand who I truly am, and what my true purpose on this earth is. I think it is to make women happy. But lately I haven’t been doing that.
I wish to make a promise now. For every woman that has ever been with me that there will come a day when friendship will be, sincerity will be the power, and life will be an open heart for love, transcending, mind bending, never-ending love.
This Death Rows Greatest Hits CD listened to with headphones on is getting better. It might be good loud. I’ll see tomorrow, but for now it’s almost time to sleep for tomorrow.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
