Keeping my Feelings Hidden from Jewell – Mad Chaos: February 23, 1997

Getting a scare for the first time today from Jewell, I didn’t know much of how to react to it.  I know I don’t want to lose her.  

Everyone Gathers

Nothing happened today until I was ready to see Jewell.  

Zola rang me up.  She told me that Kofi was coming to my house to get picked up to leave for Jewell’s house.  

Also, she told me on the phone that Jewell has a problem with her liver.  Jewell told me that also.  But Zola mentioned that it might be a cyst in her stomach and she can’t eat too much.  Jewell developed the cyst a week before I met her.  It was also on my mind all night.

Everyone started calling me then.  

Keith came over my house.  

So did Imad and Lucas and Simon called me up.  

Driving Practice

Keith let me drive his car around the block twice.  I stalled it twice on the start because I am not used to sport clutches.

When we left I drove Imad’s car.  I got it first go.  Very easy clutch.  

Driving to Macarthur Square we picked up Kofi.

Then we stopped off at a petrol station.  

I gave Imad petrol because he needed it, as usual.  

Imad let me drive the car to Jewell’s house.  

Jewell wasn’t out the front to see me.  So we called her up on my Nokia mobile phone.  I’ve made a lot of calls so far and the bill is going to be a pain for me this month.

Imad left soon after.  

Visiting Jewell

I gave Jewell a kiss on the cheek when we met.  She made me feel like I shouldn’t have done it with her.

We walked to Zola’s house.  

Today Elli joined us.  She was bearable at the start.

I didn’t talk very much because I had our relationship on my mind.  But I couldn’t talk to her about it with everyone there, so I kept quiet.  Jewell noticed.  

We left for a walk.  Elli came with us.  I had no talk time with Jewell.  Elli started being a bitch, unlikable.  

They all left for home.

Keeping Feelings From Jewell

Jewell and I left for a walk through the park.  

“Is there any problem?  Can you tell me?  Are you okay?”  

She kept asking me what the problem was.  

I couldn’t tell her that I was worried about her cyst or that I wanted her to be more emotional with me.  It couldn’t come out.  

Most of the time we sat there and didn’t mention anything for minutes on end.  

“Let’s get up and walk,” she told me.

“What do you do when you have to think,” I asked her.

“I walk when I need to think,” she shared.

Awkward Obstacles

We sat back down in a remote place and talked again.  

She was now worried and frustrated that she didn’t know what I was talking about.  I tried to tell her but the words would not come out of my mouth.  So I was silenced.  

Wanting to lean over to her, I went to kiss her.  She denied me again.  That made me nervous to think what she was thinking.

I asked to hug her.  We hugged for a very long time, very intimately.  My worries started to fade away but I didn’t feel comfortable with her just yet.  

I was trying to tell her the problem on the way home.  We got past our differences and sorted most of our frustration out between us.

When Imad showed up we sat on his car.  I asked to hug her again.  This time it was more intimate.  I gave her a small kiss this time.  That is all I really wanted to see if she still liked me.  

We were hugging and kissing in front of everyone.  That’s what I wanted, to feel comfortable in front of people that I know… without rejection on her behalf.

Visiting Sasha

Imad, Kofi and I left for home.  

We stopped off at Sasha’s house in Claymore.  

There were people there.  

Kofi and me kept them occupied with jokes about moms, and we rapped for them.  Imad joined in too.  

One hour later we left for home again.

Cruising Through Town

I called Jewell to call me at my house in 20 minutes.  

Lots of people called me on my mobile today looking for me.  

Meeting up with Lucas, Simon and Keith down at Pizza Hut, Keith drove me home.  

Seeing Norton, we stopped and asked him over to my house.  

Kofi rang me asking for Imad’s number because he left his bag in his car.

Jewell Rings

Jewell then rang me up.  I talked to her outside while Keith and Norton were in my room.  

She is going to try and see me tomorrow after she comes back from her excursion.  If she doesn’t she will call me from her house.  

I want her to come home with me tomorrow from work.  It will be very good for the both of us.  

I have to eat now and get ready for work.  It is almost 11:30pm so…