The Erosion Of Disciplines – Mad Chaos: August 16, 2004

The incredible erosion of discipline rules under the label of the reclusion syndrome, whose diminution still in force remains to deprive me of pleasure, as well as other hopes and dreams.  I had hoped to emulate the admirable feats of the first six months of this year, but instead the writer has dived into oblivion, and all other disciplines with him have dived.

I believe the erosion of disciplines was caused by various reasons, which forced me to collapse into this reclusive world.

I believe the absence of Olanzapine is a vital contributor because the consequence has been a decrease of natural drive, which is a burden on my willpower.  I believe the lack of serotonin with its catalytic effect caused a repulsion of tolerance, where endurance in my memoirs was impossible.  

I derived no pleasure from escapes from the house anymore because incessant recollection on a notepad ruined incentive.  For this reason have I terminated the normal lifestyle of socials and sanguine adventures, where it is plain to see, the result is an erosion of disciplines.

Intimidated By The Finish Line

I also believe that the abolition of adjunct medication caused a collapse of function.  I was unable to write in my memoirs or keep up pace.  So, as a developed desperation was felled, all the pressures compounded, which reduced me to a near-broken man.

I believe the framework for success I hoped to achieve before the end of the year was an intimidator.  I had so many resolutions to fulfill.  Perhaps I would have rallied had I decided to remain on all my medication, but as I experienced withdrawals and a lack of serotonin, there was no leadership to lead me into the other resolutions.  So, like dominoes, discipline fell.  

I experienced the initial depressor when unable to tolerate my memoirs.  Since then, other pressures have compounded.  I have been unable to socialize or maintain new friends because of its inconvenience.  When I do break this miserable reclusive cycle, the stakes raise.

An Illusion Through Being Reclusive

I create an illusion via reclusion because reclusion suspends the pressures and loathed practices.  Suspension from disciplines and activities force hibernation and peace.  

There is no prerequisite to notate because I neither leave the house nor have an excitable life at home to dwell on.  I am deprived of friends and pleasures, the consequence of which has been a homogeneous personality.  I have made sacrifices for reclusion to stabilize me, so the illusion serves a purpose, but I hope as temperance becomes anachronistic, ambition in droves will return.

Abandoning Five Diary Days

Five days lay bare in crude forms of notation as I write here now, whose main antagonists are the sixth when desperation forced on me the curse of experimentation, and of course the eleventh, a more venerable day.  Each of these days is such a burden because each commands so much concentration.  So for this reason have I succumbed to the reclusion syndrome and its homogeneous lifestyle.

Watch The Olympics

In this context, I went to sleep around 3am.  

I woke up at 1:45pm yesterday ready for another featureless day in this apocalyptic world after the renouncement of adjunct medication.  I was so lazy I never made a meal, but rather had a dish from upstairs, which included mashed potatoes, fried fish and beef.  

For the remainder of the day I watched the Olympic games on television.  

Broncos Versus Bulldogs NRL Match

I broke for two hours from 4pm to watch the Broncos versus Bulldogs rugby league match with its finals experience.  I jumped around and cheered the heroic deeds of the Broncos.  But the Bulldogs snatched a win, and then a landslide in the final minutes.  

Almond wrote to me minutes later to rub in the loss to his in-form Bulldogs, which have steamrolled toward the finals in impressive fashion.

Concluding An Unaccomplished Day

I had lunch, dinner, snacks and watched the Olympic games from the warmth of my waterbed for the remainder of the day.  

I flicked to various other channels of course and was entertained in this fashion. In the end, after many hours in a sedentary day, I decided to sleep at 5am to conclude an unaccomplished day.

An Indolent Morning Asleep

Mum and dad were out of the house earlier today.  A friend dad knew was supposed to come to the house to install an electric outlet for the extension in the backyard.  If he arrived before noon while mum and dad were both elsewhere I had to wake up and entertain this man until dad arrived, so this disturbed my sleep.  

I was woken up a couple of times by the telephone, but the person on the other end was from the hospital in search of Lottie.  

I was woken up later as well by what sounded like a knock on our door, but it was after noon.  Dad was in the backyard with his hammer, so I urinated and went back to sleep.

Waking Up From Hopeless Dreams

I woke up at 1:20pm today with no real desires.  I had reflective dreams before I woke up, which were depressors, because I wondered what life would have been like if I was with Lyssa now.  

I also accepted in my dreams how I should accept a solitary life, where I will live in this bedroom and be led around by decisions made around me, until I die.  

I had a level of depressive invention in my head.  So when I woke up, some pleasure was needed.

Flirting Surprise At Local Supermarket

For this reason I visited the local shops, knowing it may be the sole escape I will make in days.  I purchased a drink of guarana from the local supermarket as well as a meal of chicken and chips.  

I made a realization when a service chick in the local supermarket spoke to me.  I feel I am more desired by women when I exude a broken man because women speak to me in a more interested manner.  I know this because I consider it an approach when a chick asks me a question like, “Does this drink really work,” in an obvious manner.  

I also believe this was an approach I have been served by this supermarket chick for months with no connection.  So, it is uncharacteristic of her to break the ice, unless desire compels her.  I replied in any case, but there were no advances, because I was too surprised.  

I came home nevertheless.  Now here I am.  I had my meal and I wrote in my memoirs, and now near the hours where I abandon all disciplines and succumb to indolence.