Distancing From Levi’s Harassing Calls – Mad Chaos: August 8, 2004

A Day Deprived Of Pleasure

The successful coup to rescue me from disillusion has by hideous sin been crucified.  I wish continence were to have saved me this weekend, but a depraved, desperate deed has forced me into another induced apathy of kind.  

I am now so addled and unbalanced that I derive no pleasure no more from normal behavior.  I have from my transgression become ascetical, where I abstain from pleasure because the drive in me balked two days as a consequence of a decision, which destabilizes me.  

I need to withdraw now from disciplines.  I need to reflect and hope abnegation purges the impurities, which were unpreventable.  I have no real enthusiasm now, but there is no need to abandon my memoirs and disappear into a recession.  I am veracious, and no reaper of a mistake will retire these memoirs.  So here I devote to the readers one more day deprived of pleasure.

Constantly Interrupted Sleep

I went to sleep at 3:30am and woke up at 11am today.  The all-nighter never helped to rebalance my circadian rhythms.

I had such an unwanted induction into this new day as well.  I had hoped I would sleep well, but three hours into my sleep at 6:30am I hear my mobile phone.  I had no idea of the caller, but I stumbled out of bed. perhaps because it could have been a message from my brother.  Instead, an obsessed bisexual (or homosexual) wrote me on such an unusual hour on the weekend.  

I had woken up a monster now.  I caused a hormonal flare of neurotic proportions from Levi, as he wrote me a sentence and asked me if I had plans for the day.  I of course went back to sleep in a disturbed manner, desperate for sound sleep.  But all manners of noise awoke me, like the noise of kids on the road outside, or dad and some power tools in the backyard.  I was just so frustrated because ever since I moved back into this house and the extension was constructed, sound sleep is so hard to come by.

Harassed By Levi’s Insistence

To cause me further alarm, around 9:15am my mobile phone shook atop the computer desk.  I looked to see if the caller number sounded familiar.  Because I was inconclusive, I answered the phone.  Of course, Levi was on the other end to say hello.  He spoke in aroused confidence of his idea.  

“I was headed for a drive to Wollongong and I wanted to know if you wanted to join me,” he said.  

I was so confused because I had woken up.  It took a minute for me to respond, but I made clear that the call I made a couple of days back was a mistake and that I had no interest.  I spoke to a determined person affected by hormones, so I had to be firm.  

“I was asleep, and I am busy later on,” I sounded annoyed.  

“But you said you had no plans later on,” Levi chuckled, as he misconstrued some words he heard me say earlier when he woke me up.  

I wiped clean my hands of this obsessed person once more to say I was busy, which finally allowed me to return back to an interrupted sleep.

This person whom I purchased my chinos from has problematic repercussions now.  He was so obsessed with me that forty-five minutes later and eight seconds after 10:00am I received a further text message from him on my mobile phone.  I decided to remain asleep in a disturbed manner for half an hour, but after a necessary trip to the bathroom, I read his message on my mobile phone.  

“Hey, how are you,” he wrote.  “I would really like to get to know you as a mate.  Maybe we could meet up soon and just hang out?”  

I was sickened by his persistence.  I never had disturbed dreams or invention in my head afterwards because my conscience seems clearer the more passions and pleasure are deprived, but now I am ashamed of the repercussions I invite.

Levi Continues To Call

I woke up at 11:00am in an atrophic psyche ready to lead an ascetical life.  I watched “The Footy Show” and had no plans for the entire day.  But like an unwanted smell, the optional mistake resurfaced to phone my mobile once more at 11:30am.

Levi had contacted me four times already in this one day.  I was so frustrated by now that when I answered the phone, I was vocal to indicate how much of a nuisance caller he had been all day.  I was so annoyed at the bubbly assurance I received.  I wanted to vanquish the insufferable ignominy and the memory of this one particular day, but Levi was tenacious.  I had to be rude when I spoke to him on this occasion.  

“Don’t you think you’ve called too often,” I snorted, to once more say I was too busy to make compromises.  

I know now I made a mistake when I called Levi.  I did so because of my sexual Achilles Heel, and because desperation made me selfish.  

I suffer from one unspeakable clouded day of unscrupulous decisions, and now I want distance from its harm.  

I asserted once more how I would be busy today, which should have been followed up with a stern but necessary disassociation.  I should have commanded the upper hand to say I would call and not the other way around, but insane considerations forced me to allow this crazed person the freedom to call me in a week, which he said he would do.

A wasteful day followed this initial drama, where I scavenged for breakfast from the remainder of food left in my fridge.  I watched television and soccer for a couple of hours before the inevitable catnap came, of course at an inappropriate hour.  I had intended to watch the online rugby league matches from 2:30pm but instead I fell asleep until 6pm.

I had dinner within half an hour, which was macaroni cheese pasta and sauce with mint peas.  I watched the news, wildlife documentaries and then a television movie, and now I am here.

So, as you can see, there was no substance to the day, and there will probably be a crucifixion of substance for weeks to come to suppress the homosexual memories festered in my head.