Growing In Confidence With Iseul – Mad Chaos: November 10, 1999

Iseul Cancels On Our Cinema Date

Holding two conversations tonight, the first to my surprise was instigated by Iseul.  With her deciding to give me a call at 7:15pm, there was disappointment at the start of our conversation.   

Extremely apologetic, she basically jumped on the phone saying, “Tony.  I’m sorry.”

My apprehension for such a call had almost made me skip a beat with her adjourning words.

Initially being able to pick it in her stringy voice, I shouted, “You’d better not be canceling our plans for tomorrow night.”

She went along and did it anyway.  

“I’m so sorry,  but I can’t go with you to the movies tomorrow night,” she cried.

Iseul explained to me that she had an exam that she had to cram for the following day.  She told me that she had no computer at home and that it was due tomorrow. She advised me that she’d have to stay back and use the computers at her College.  This seeming an artless excuse, I excused her from such mongering absolutions.  This bringing a focus to new phrase and questioning, I began with such renewed verve.

Distraught and with a price, I couldn’t believe my luck with women.  Lure them in with such possessive temptation and then after a heated session, they wriggle away from my hook escaping its morsel of devouring.  Knowing the inevitable in conversation was as death’s reaper arriving, I stood there in hopeless trance figuring I’d lost the battle.  Allowing another fine lass to slip through my fingers, I wondered exactly what I was doing wrong?  In what department was I lacking to have women give everything else the flick?  

Figuring that I’d lost the conversation to friendship, or worse off, despite these continual knock backs, just like with Maisie, I was mesmerized into procrastination, steering clear of negatives and bouncing back onto the road of optimism.  

The Outweighing Negatives To A Relationship

Reluctant to just turn tail and never call Iseul back, there was a deep sense within me that this isn’t really what she wanted.  Therefore, knowing now my hunch was correct – as today was the final straw of uncertainty – Iseul came through for me, not with flying colors but with a flag hoisted high on her shoulders.  However, despite my deepening infatuations with Iseul, I have to keep it level so that I don’t submerge with loving tendencies.  

Trying to keep afloat, I know that there is no possibility for a relationship with such outweighing negatives.  Therefore, with such doting completely ruled out, the only rigid option is that of our treating each other as casual tutors to lechery.  Where we will be lucky to see each other once a week, knowing that I don’t want to hold out for that long only to get myself disappointed with planning in the end, being the bachelor I am, I’m still on the prowl.  

Therefore, with this month already being considered a month of lechery, opting to stay home for commitment instead of heading out for pleasure, it will be a month governed by what women I meet and protest.  Where I have already created two sexual entities boasted, there shall be more experiences to come in these, the final three weeks of Spring and this month.  

A bachelor to lust, where I’m tired of relationships and even reluctant to have sex these days, I tread carefully and thereso broadly.  T’ where ‘twould seem vulgarly met of my pensive temperament to roam around, these trying times of experimentation bid me step within its parameters.

Growing In Confidence With Iseul

It’s times like these that my self-consciousness grows confidence.  Where I’m always thinking the worst of a situation instead of being haughty, Iseul increased confidence that she was still interested in me.  Favorably greeting each other and still yet not having spoken of that elaborate Saturday night together, our relationship has rocketed since that night. 

Having already taught me a word in Korean, we said “Anya” to each other, which means hello.  

“Hold on, let me turn my fan off and lie on the bed,” I murmured, still feeling a touch self-conscious.

Although I knew our chats would always be blooming with verse and chorus, those initial seconds where Iseul and I began chatting were a bit harrowing.  Nevertheless, as I sprawled out on my waterbed and created a comfort factor, we said hello to each other again.  Then the real conversation began.

Iseul and I get along famously over the phone.  Although she has a medium to strong Korean accent, she’s pretty intelligent to have learnt English so quick.  Harboring a Korean to English translation book by her side, she had a great command over the English language, knowing most of the words and phrases I belted out to her.  Incessant inconstancy bid us change topic whenever its rambunctious nature would deflate.  

With there being an eternity of digression, it’s hard to pick at all the remnants of conversation, but those I do remember here shall be embedded.  

Learning To Speak Korean Through Iseul

Yearning to learn some more Korean, I begged for Iseul to shed some new words.  

“What do you want to learn,” she asked.

Thinking of the first thing that popped in my head, I uttered, “Tell me how to say ‘you’re hot’.”

“Choo-a” she would instruct.

Almost instantly, sounding perfectly Korean, I learnt myself a new word.  

“You know, you are really good at learning languages” she complimented.

As I wanted to know how to say ‘You’re really hot’, she recited the words to be “Ak-chu choo-a”.  Confusing Iseul when saying the first word sounding like someone sneezing, she actually consulted her translation book, thinking I’d said the word ‘teasing’.  

Lazily and drawing out the words, I remarked, “Ak-chu ak-chu choo-a.”

Loving the attention and all my adorning words, she was giggling in the background in much doted appreciation.

Teaching Rude English Words To Iseul

Mucking around some more with the command of the English language, almost from the start of the conversation I started being silly.  

Speaking African, I uttered, “Slap my ass bitch!”

As she paused trying slowly to say exactly what I said with her strong accent and breaking up of words into syllables, I thought it would be a crackup to hear Iseul say such words.  

“Can you say ‘slap my ass bitch’,” I begged.

Soon enough, with the right amount of imploring, she recited the words.  Sounding hilarious whilst drawing out the word ‘ass’ (making the words sound like ‘as’ from astronomical and prolonging the conclusion with a hissing ‘S’) she made bitch sound like beach, just with a double E instead of one.  

Balling my eyes out as she said it a couple of times, I started singing the Pokemon song because she made me fall in love with its quirkiness when she first sang it on Saturday night.  

“Gotta catch em,” I’d sing.

Iseul laughed, to which I would add the tune, “Pokemon,” but sounding not as truly authentic as her Korean tune to such words.  

Getting along famously on the phone, she got a taste of my genuine laugh, one that Jewell, Shyla and Lyssa have beveled towards as an adorable laugh.

An Idea To Transcribe My Days

These being the conversations where I wish I had a hook up to my computer, in due time I will have bought a CD Re-recordable to hook up to my computer and a professional wire plugging to my phone, so I can still speak properly and not worry about wires or static putting me off.  

Able to have a normal conversation, later I’ll be able to write out such transcripts of proceedings and have such conversations for the purpose of recollection and dissection whenever needed.  

Iseul Shares An Observation

Regardless, digressing to a small factor that made me realize the uncertainties of my insecurities, Iseul paused in due conversation to shed another fact.  

“Did you remember when you see me yesterday?”  

“What, you mean in the morning before lunch,” I asked, uncertain of the time she was speaking of.  

“No.  After that,” she explained.

I curiously replied, “What, you mean when I came to see you with Linh my friend?”

Mentioning that it was even before that, and these actions seeming vague since they have not yet been discovered, I blurted, “Oh you mean when I handed you my email address just before Linh arrived?”  

“Yes, yes, that’s the time,” she honored.

Wondering what she was getting at, she finally revealed her intentions.  

“Your cheeks were very red that time,” she informed, to which now I realize that would have been why Iseul and her two friends standing shoulder to shoulder were giggling as I arrived into the store.  

“Are you serious!  How red,” I asked, to which the response wasn’t a favorable hue.  

Embarrassed at the thought, I did recall my being abashed to head such a distance into a den of cynicism and mockery.  Where there was no such shame against my name, I just feel burdened in enclosures.  Also, with the addition of my handing over my email address and otherwise leaving myself vulnerable, the brave face I put on just before entering obviously didn’t work.  

“You know what I think,” she exclaimed.

I literally shrugged my shoulders.

She responded “I thought to myself that even you can be shy.”

Iseul Sights My Growing Confidence

Stunned at her obvious thoughts of me, I soon learnt that Iseul thought I was a very outgoing person.  When knowing that at most I was self-conscious and curled up in defense, such an outlook was flattering.  

“What, no!  I’m really shy,” I explained.

But there was no mistake in Iseul’s mind.  I can’t blame her though.  She’s created her judgment from our Saturday night where basically everything went perfectly smooth and with a taste of heavenly reminiscence floating around its fragranced ethers.  It took her words though to realize that I have become more of an outgoing person.  Not necessarily bringing back the mischief of my old days as I need mischievous friends for such an outcome, I’ve brought back the personality of old.  

With this office administration job at HIH Insurance did I create confidence.  Over time, that confidence grew.  Branching off this confidence that still matures, I have had the courage to meet women, be more open, and approach more people.

Iseul Shares Her Email Address

While we were talking about how red my cheeks were, we began upon the conversation of the email address.  

“Did you try sending me an email,” I asked figuring that Iseul wouldn’t have even bothered.  

“I tried for one hour at college but couldn’t do it,” she responded, this enhancing my faith that hers was truly credible.  

Asking if I’d like her email address, I was a touch confused at first when she started saying ‘Cool Shit’.  I thought Cool Shit was her catch phrase of the time.  However, as she at times has no clue what I’m saying, it took Iseul to add the prefix of such a phrase.  In all parting, Iseul recited her two email addresses..   

Asking Iseul To Sleep Over

Having two thoughts dwindling in my mind, one was to ask whether Iseul had ever had a guy hand over his number over the counter apart from me.  The second thought was to see if I could work a route into seeing if Iseul was the type to sleep over.  

In final parting of our conversation and spinning to such entailed optimism in smooth flow, I started speaking of my intentions and plans.  

“So when are you going to come and see me at my house,” I strongly voiced.

With confidence consumed, she replied, “Oh no!  You’ll eat me up!”

“No, don’t be silly” I protested in sarcasm.  “I won’t bite, not unless you want me to.”

Giggling to my response but holding her adamant guns, she again uttered, “You’ll eat me up.”

“No, I won’t eat you up.  I’ll devour you,” I replied.  

Humming and moaning as we always do when in dreamy fantasy to words spoken, our imagination bids us groan with prospect.  

With our both longing to be together shown in our insatiate voices, Iseul was consistent in explaining her reasons for not heading to my house.  

“If me and my friend came to Campbelltown, maybe,” she would explain, to which she added, “But me myself, it’s too far and too dangerous.”

Roaming through a story of how it was only her in Australia and how she basically had to take care of herself, sleeping over someone’s house apart from hers wasn’t considered safe.  

With some psychos out there, but Iseul not considering me deranged enough to contain her against her will, she advised me that she was now independent and therefore, had to make such decisions.  

Asking Iseul Out On Another Date

Learning that her whole weekend was booked up and the nature of her call being a big apology, with my heading out for the whole of next weekend, we were forsaken for events to commit ourselves upon.  This literally meaning that the promise of great sex is completely out of the works for a good week or two, we sympathized and came up with a contingency plan.  

“We can get together mid-week” she praised and asked, “When do you want to get together in the week?”

“Monday” I blurted I the most immediate day.   “Let’s get together on Monday night.”

But with her being booked up for that day with some sort of plans, we had to settle for Tuesday night.  

I guess with her being over here from Korea for six months only, and Australia being a whole new world, she’d want to head out with her friends everywhere.  I guess with their renting a car and heading out together, they’re living such a life.

Inviting Myself To Iseul’s House

Sorting out that it was too dangerous to head to my house despite many efforts, I finally asked, “So, when are you going to invite me to your house?”

Taking the initiative as is the usual case, she was more for that idea with hopefulness.  

“My house you might not like,” she went on to say, despite my not caring if she lived in a rat infested house or mansion.  

“You don’t drink coffee, so maybe I get orange juice for you,” she laughed.

With this invitation, I now had to mould a perfect time for such an event.  

Knowing that she was home early because she felt sick at work, it favored me to know that she was home alone.  Learning that the third girl worked a night shift right until 11pm, all I basically had to do now was stage a time where Bina will be out for at least one hour.  However, with Bina heading to the same college and finishing at the same time, in the near future it’s going to be extremely hard to find time to have a house or flat to ourselves.  Knowing that Iseul would also be as eager as me to get back into the swing of things which reared their head on Saturday night, all this teasing with uncertainty is killing me.

Joking That I Sleep Naked

Comfortable in her own bed after I worked my way into mentioning that I slept in the nude earlier in the conversation, she yelled out “Good, good”.  

Mentioning that she slept with some pajamas on, she laughed, “If I walk around in the nude then my friends get angry and jealous at my sexy body.”  

Sounding a touch pretentious in her naively eradicated accent, I’m pretty sure she was attempting sarcasm instead of deeming herself such a haughty character.  

Praying For Iseul

The conclusion of our conversation came one hour into our conversation.  

“You pray for me,” she asked in her Korean accent, obviously being a good little Catholic Girl.  

Learning that she prayed every night, I couldn’t resist her plea for me to close my eyes and pray for her.  Taking the role seriously as not to create any negative ominous tariffs, when closing my eyes and with the silence relative over the phone, I started creating words that sprung to mind.  

In basis, I thought to myself, “Dear God.  I know I never actually pray to you but just for tonight, can you look after Iseul and give her a good night’s sleep.”  

For a whole minute, we sat silent until the silence was broken by my fidgeting over the phone.  Feeling premature, when praying was done, we said goodnight to each other and with Iseul’s lights already off, we parted ways.

Bus Driver Alec Phones Up

Surprisingly, after our conversation had concluded and as the time rolled on, I received an unexpected call from Alec.  

“Hello,” he uttered in his pure Skippy voice.  “I just thought I’d give you a call tonight.”

Just having seen him at the station and figuring that I should thank him for the free fare on the buses everyday, I felt disobliged knowing he’d skimmed me today.  Speaking abroad as usual, feeling no such discomfort, we started talking about his plans to move and rent in the City close to the CBD.

I exclaimed, “You just make sure that the door is always open for me when I want to crash out after some clubs in the city.”

Being very open and allowing (one being a character trait of mine created by Iseul), I didn’t feel at all distanced with what words I was speaking.  Just like one of the boys, Alec tried explaining to me how he’d seen me walking on Monday and Tuesday.  

“What, are you serious,” I exclaimed, knowing I was in my own little world coming home from work on those such days.  

“Yeah, I was ready to run you over seeming I was so close on Tuesday,” he exclaimed.

With me not recalling a thing, he shunned his initial intentions of calling me a snob.  

Recite The Night At Byblos Nightclub

I recited the events of our Byblos night and all the controversy that happened with Nero, Nevena, myself and that damned house.  With the whole drama of Nero being obsolete to our group now and the reasoning of why we didn’t go out last weekend, he thought to say that all my friends were stick-in-the-muds.  

“I tried chatting to them all through the night but none of them wanted to speak with me,” he advised.

To those words, he added how he headed down the street in Sydney, coming back revitalized.  Applauding Mallory for her benevolence, he told me how in all, he had a mad night.  That Byblos night granted to his errant adventures.

Asking Alec What Guys Attract Him

Concluding our conversation and that being the literal end of my literal night, I started speaking Leb words out of whim to Alec.  Then in curiosity, I bartered a question.  

“Hey, I don’t want to offend you or anything,” I exclaimed confidently, “But can I ask you a personal question?”

Sounding positive in his reply, I again insisted, “You did tell me that I should ask you questions and I’m here with curiosity.”

To that I began forming my question.  

Finding the right wording and caring not too much about result, I firmly asked, “I just wanted to know what kind of guys you get onto, what nationalities?”  

Trust me, this was only spurred on by my slight whim of interest after speaking Lebanese, to which I found out that he’d been with an Aussie guys and some other nationalities scarce to memory.  In passing, when about to hang up the phone, I strengthened my ambitions thereafter.  

Reveal That I Am A Writer

“I’ve got so much work to do it’s not funny” I emphasized.  

Allowing enough rope for a bite, Alec asked, “Why?  What work do you have to do?”  

Instructing him on my writing memoirs, he stood gasping when I uttered, “I type around fifteen pages a night and our conversation will be a big part of elaboration tonight.”

Enthralled that he would be a piece of establishment, he seemed stoked when I said, “You probably fill up twenty to fifty pages since your recognition.”  

Reliving how I used to write about his blaring speakers and how I was always seeking to find out his name for the sake of my memoirs, he seemed flattered at my commitment.

That my friends being a concluding tail and such a long one, again I have no time to write in full of Thursday night, but there shall come a night where all my backlog has been caught up on.  Tonight may not be such a night as these eyes do grow tired within the hour, but with my planning to have a quiet weekend, thoughts compacted look promising.