Planning The Formal Night
Another day at work and I’m not sure if what I’ve just done is good will or not. All day I’ve been making up a list of places to ring for Lyssa’s and my formal night. I’ve called lingerie shops, formal wear shops and ordered brochures and catalogs, a lot of running around.
But since I’ve been back to the Martinson Engineering offices from having something to eat, I started to think about Jewell and how long it’s been since I’ve called her to say hello.
I took out the photo that looked like Jewell and looked at it, reminiscing. That’s not a bad thing. People do that, and I feel secure with Lyssa.
Reminiscing About Jewell
Starting to reminisce about how we talked, what kind of a person she was like and her smile, I started to realize that I shouldn’t just forget someone like that after all that we’ve been through. I guess all of these thoughts started happening when Lyssa asked questions about her because she was in my Diary.
After reading an entry or two of my diary and thinking, I couldn’t help but to reminisce. It’s not getting out of hand. I won’t let it, but then again it’s good to think about these kinds of things, people that have made you happy.
Lyssa wouldn’t really mind if I called Jewell. She would be worried a little, maybe even jealous as I would too if I were in her place, but it wouldn’t turn nasty.
It’s probably been almost four weeks since I’ve talked to Jewell on the phone.
The last time I had seen Jewell in person was around when we broke up over seven months ago.
Feeling Guilty Calling Jewell
I guess lately after all this thinking I started to realize that I cared for Jewell’s feelings more than I thought. I’d never go back to her because Lyssa means too much to me now and Jewell would never do anything to persuade me. She’s not like that.
All this thinking is probably why I called Jewell’s mobile up. When she didn’t answer, I left a message on her mobile phone.
There has never been an urge to do something like this before. I’m not sure what I’ve done. By calling Jewell on her mobile and leaving a message I’ve left false presumptions in her mind.
The message was “Sniper coming at ya. Jewell it’s been a while since I’ve heard your voice so I’ll call you tonight.”
Now Jewell can take it in many ways but if I know her she’ll be happy waiting by the phone and I don’t want that. That will make me feel guilty about Lyssa. Somehow I feel that I’m betraying her trust and I don’t want that.
Lyssa Knows About My Feelings For Jewell
Lyssa knows how much I liked Jewell. She has read my Diary where I sent her a CD with songs compiled by me. I’m sure there would have been pages of Jewell in there that also makes me worry.
Lyssa is a strong person though. She would have read that, had a thought, and then not worried that much about it. She might have asked me questions about it and received answers, but she was strong about it.
Planning To Call Jewell Tonight
Now that I’ve called Jewell on her phone I’ll have to call her tonight probably when I get home.
Lyssa is the one I’ll be talking to for the whole night. Jewell is the one I will be conversing with to see how things are.
I feel bad though, there was an urge to call Jewell and I was enticed to call her. Now that urge is over and I’ve created a problem.
I’m Mister “Fix it”. I’ll be able to sort this out, although it has been a while since I’ve called Jewell.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
