For a long time, I have never been as depressed as I was last night. Ever since Lake Curtis died… that is as distressed as I was last night. Everything just got to me.
I stayed home waiting for Phoenix to call me. She didn’t call.
So I went shopping and paid bills off.
Waiting more, Phoenix didn’t call me until I left at 8:30pm with Keith.
Two-Timing Phoenix
We drove to Pizza Hut. I already knew that Phoenix was with Rory. That’s when it started to get worse.
Having to look at Phoenix and Rory together when I got down to Pizza Hut wasn’t good, even though they were feeling guilty too. I only wonder if they done something yet.
I heard From Keith that Rory told him Phoenix was sending letters to Rory. That pissed me off.
I found something out tonight. It takes a lot to break me and when it happens I’m not around my friends. I try and keep it together so that I look strong to them, so they won’t feel my pain. That makes it harder.
Rory was going out with Phoenix last night. All Phoenix said to me was “Hi” when I had seen her. I felt like I just wanted to do something destructive to anyone.
Prank Call From Belinda
That’s when I got a phone call.
On my mobile someone called me up calling themselves Belinda. She rang from a mobile so it couldn’t have been Phoenix but maybe one of her friends.
Never being rude to me, Belinda asked, “Hi. Who is on the phone? Is this Tony? Someone has written your name and your phone number on the girls’ toilets in Ruse.”
The phone cut off. Then she picked up again. The phone cut off. She called one more time, but the same result happened.
Imad Dents His New Celica
I was very angry. It showed when I looked at Phoenix and kept looking at her to see if it was her. I had to think. She took a couple of steps back.
Imad drove his new Celica around the corner into the back of the Pizza Hut back car park. He had a little accident with the side wall, but not too bad.
Thinking A Thousand Thoughts
I took off to cool off. So many thoughts went through my mind. I sat at the thinking spot I told Jewell that I visit. She never turned up.
My thoughts raced through my head.
“Why has Jewell never called me back?”
“What did I do to her?”
“Why has Sama not called me back?”
“What did I do to her?”
“Why has Phoenix dogged me? After I began to trust her once more she goes and does this?”
“What did I deserve to have all this?”
“Who called me up calling themselves Belinda?”
Going To Timezone
The hurt kept building. I’m not ashamed to say that by myself, I shed a tear of agony, of pain.
Getting up, I walked back to Pizza Hut. Then I couldn’t face them again.
So I walked away and went to Timezone. I played a few games before I got up to leave.
Phoenix, Manson and Celina were walking up to play the Midnight Session, Phoenix stopped to talk to me. So I just put on that I was alright and walked away. She wasn’t the reason I was down. She was only part of it.
Brooding In Caltex
Walking up to Caltex I thought about who was calling me and that it might be the same people that have been pranking my house since two or more weeks ago and hanging up.
Belinda sounded like she was in a hollow hallway like that at Pizza Hut. She was definitely with friends, but only girls.
I remember seeing a party at Leumeah when Keith and I drove past. She might have been there.
From Caltex I saw Lucas. He could see that something was wrong but not to the degree that I could show it. Adding to my pain, Hudson had my license to get into Randy Ranch to see Whigfield. I didn’t get it back.
Walking down to Skate Plus I wanted to see if anyone was there, I needed someone to talk to that didn’t know about the problems and didn’t have to know.
Skate Plus was closed. So I sat down for half an hour and just thought.
Belinda Calls Back
Coming back to Pizza Hut I saw Rory and Palmer driving. They saw me but didn’t stop.
Walking into the car yard, Belinda called me back. Her voice sounded really put on, like a stupid Italian accent, but she made me feel that she was for real.
She was telling me more information about my number. At first she wasn’t willing to give me her number but then she gave me her home number so I could get more information.
She was leaving for home she said, from a party. Her mobile phone battery was full after being empty. So someone else gave her a phone or she had a battery somewhere.
Belinda (if that’s her name), said her bye bye’s. Then I tried calling the number she had given me. No one was home, so that was good.
Walking Home Depressed
I started walking back to Pizza Hut. No one was there. I had to walk home. That is the first time I’ve had to walk home since everyone has been working as delivery drivers for Pizza Hut.
The phone number has not answered until this day. I may never find out who was calling me up on my mobile last night.
Now that it is a new day I don’t feel that bad. I will when I find out what Rory and Phoenix did. Even though I really want her, just for sex, I’m going to fuck her up so bad she’s never going to want to see my face again.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
