Mad Chaos: Saturday, December 28, 1996

Diary Of A Mad Chaos

There is one thing I have more of that most people don’t, and that is high hopes.

Imad Comes Over

Yesterday I got up at 12:30 pm.

Imad came to see me while I was at home.  He got his car polished and glossed.  He also borrowed a CD off me.

I didn’t end up going to the gym because it was closed when I left.

Pizza Hut With Rory

I walked to Campbelltown and Rory was at Pizza Hut.  I asked Rory if he could lend me his CD carousel.  He is trying to get it for me today.  I stayed with him for the remainder of the day.

Tabitha was also down there.  I didn’t try to avoid her, talking to her for a bit.

Keith came down, so I talked to him.  He was going out with Tamsen and with Ralf to a nightclub.

I called Kathryn while I was up there.  She wanted to come out last night but she had a bit of hesitation in her voice.

Rory finished at 8:30 pm.

Kathryn Comes Over

We left to pick up Kathryn from her house.  She was waiting out the front.  We left for my house.  Kathryn and I walked in while Rory drove home to get dressed.  This gave us a chance to talk, but the situation turned disastrous for some reason that I can’t understand.

Walking into my house I got dressed.  Then we started talking about us, and the past.  I asked her if anything was going to happen with us while she was here?  I haven’t seen her for a year and she wasn’t sure what was going to happen.  She told me that she is leaving on January 18th to go see a band in Brisbane.

She started talking high-fly things like I didn’t know her, and hustle things like she would like to die early so she wouldn’t grow old.  She’d never get married and she’d like to die bungee jumping, weird shit like that.

Kathryn Gets Angry And Emotional

I got onto her and started caressing her, but she stood back on it.  She would get angry when I tried to kiss her but she would let me give her a love-bite, which doesn’t make sense to me.  She got angry when I asked her to look in my eyes.  She couldn’t look me in the eyes.  She got angry for reasons I can’t understand.  She wanted to leave to walk home.

I didn’t want her to walk home by herself or even go.  I can’t understand what she wants.  I tried to talk her out of walking home, but the more I talked, the angrier she became.

She stormed out of the front door leaving me standing in the corridor with my head down, judging myself, wondering what I done wrong.

Rory came a minute after that.  I got him to chase her up to give her a lift home.  I stayed at my house thinking.

That was the first instance where I couldn’t control a situation with a woman and it scared me.

Rory didn’t find her, so I got into the car.  We both searched for her but we did not find her.  I prayed that she got home alright, but I don’t have the respect from her to call her, so I will let it go for a while.

Nina Suspected Of Manipulating Kathryn

I know that Nina has said something to Kathryn – reason being that Kathryn was talking about her as her sister.  If the result of last night was because of Nina, then she does not want to cross my path ever again in this lifetime, because I will make it impossible for her.

She’s so fucked that she pushes her little boyfriend Mason around.

Cool Off With Rory

After that ordeal Rory and I looked around for people in Campbelltown that we could hang around, but we didn’t find anyone except for Ned and Pizza Hut.  I tried to hide my anger but Rory could see that I had anger inside me.

Nothing was happening, so he took me home.

Standing Up For Rory

While I was with Rory, Otis Scrivens, Wolf Kyle and Mick Poker were in a car.  They waved us down.  Rory drove over, and they called him a dick head.  They knew something about the spraypaint.  I felt like punching the fuck out of something to clear my mind, so I got Rory to follow them.

We met up with them at the Bottle Shop.  I got out of the car by myself.  There were five people in their car and I wanted to get some answers.  I told them all to stop fucking putting Rory down or I’d fuck them up.  Otis was quivering back but not the others.

None of them started me, and they denied doing the spray paint, or knowing who done it.  Now they aren’t friends anymore.  If I wanted them fucked up they could be tomorrow.  If I wanted to fuck them up I would have done it myself.

Wandering Aimlessly Around Campbelltown

I laid in bed thinking.  It was midnight and I got up and left for a walk.  I couldn’t help but feeling that Kathryn had stopped in an alleyway somewhere and just started to cry, so the guilt made me leave.

I walked to Campbelltown Macdonalds for no particular reason, bought something to eat, and rang Miroslav.  I got his answering machine.

I walked up to Caltex to see if I could find anyone, but couldn’t.

An hour after coming to Campbelltown I walked back home, and thought some more.

I’m going to get through this year with bad thoughts and bad memories.

Woke Up Depressed

Today I didn’t get up until 1:00 pm, staying in bed for a while.  I didn’t want to get out of bed today, so I wouldn’t have to face anyone.

Someone called twice today, once around 10:30 am, and then once again around 12:00 pm, but the second was a mobile phone that didn’t have any battery power, and it failed on me.

I don’t know what the rest of the day holds for me, but I am getting out of the house later in the day, but not so soon.

I just want to know the reason Kathryn had to get so angry at me and leave my house for.  I don’t understand and I’m not here to impress.

I’m depressed.

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