Knowing That It Is Finally Over – Mad Chaos: September 21, 1998

Sleeping Late

Last night I went to sleep around 3:30am.  I only had six hours of sleep waking up at 9am.  It’s weird how the last couple of nights I have been going to sleep later, but it hasn’t seemed to be phasing me like it usually did.  

Back in the day I wouldn’t get up until 2pm in the afternoon.  I would have had more than ten hours of sleep yet I would still be groggy getting out of bed.  These days I wake up and I’m almost straight out of bed.  What a dramatic change it has been, and it’s weird how I wake up around 9am every day.

Save Artwork To Floppy Disks

So waking up today at 9am I still had to convert the artwork onto a computer disk and didn’t take any chances.  There were errors on the disks when I took them to Tatton’s house, so this time I saved the same program on three separate disks in five separate ways.  

Lucky I did this because when I arrived at ‘CD Rom Services’ there was a strange problem with my main program.  

Choosing not to eat because of the excitement, I had a shower.  

After listening to my newly made music I called ‘CD Rom Services’ to see if I could get my CD prints done today.  

“Do you think you could take the price down a bit,” I asked.

“That will be alright,” he replied.

That was great luck to me because I don’t have any more money to take out of the bank and I would have had just enough to pay for the prints, but not for the train fare to North Sydney or Parramatta later in the night.  

Preparing For Centrelink Appointment

Putting some clothes on and tying my hair back, I made my way to Campbelltown remembering I had to be there at 10:30am for my signing of ‘Mutual Obligation’.

Already having a plan devised so I wouldn’t get kicked off the system, I gather that I will get paid for the next two fortnights at least because I’m on monthly forms and ‘Mutual Obligation’ hasn’t kicked in yet.  So that gives me enough money to pay my home phone bill and the rest of my Optus bill, and that will be all my bills for this year.  

Leaving home with only ten minutes to get to Centrelink, I was in trouble.  Luckily I heard a car that sounded like Imad’s.  Looking back, I was lucky to find it was him.  That’s two times now that Imad has been around with his car to pick me up.  

Imad Picks Me Up

Jumping in Imad’s car, we talked.

“Where were you?  Did you just visit Dina,” I asked.

“Nah.  I wasn’t over at Dina’s house.  I was just checking out a burnout that I left at her house the day before,” he said.

Hatred, ain’t it so fun.

Imad gave me a lift halfway to Campbelltown, but he had to let me out at the lights as he was on his way somewhere else.  That was fine with me because that helped me out a lot.

Centrelink Mutual Obligation Appointment

Reaching Centrelink ten minutes later I was called out, anyway.  

The interview didn’t go that long.

“Have you been looking for work,” he asked.

“I have a part-time job lined up.  I might be getting into study within a month’s time too,” I told the guy.

He made me sign the Mutual Obligation agreement, gave me my book, explained some shit to me, and then it was time for me to leave.  

A Train To North Sydney

The time now is 11am. I was on my way to North Sydney to get my CDs printed.  With everything in a plastic bag, I wasn’t taking any chances.

Not having enough time to get myself a ticket from Campbelltown, I traveled to Central Station in hopes that the gates would be open.  Luck wasn’t on my side, so I had to ad lib and take out an old ticket to walk through one of the gates.  The guy didn’t even look at my ticket like I expected.  

Walking downstairs, I bought myself a ticket to North Sydney and was then on my way.  The train ride was fairly quick.  

Jumping off the train, I made my way straight to ‘CD Rom Services’.  

CD Surface Printed At CD Rom Services

The time is 12:15pm. Now I had plenty of time in the day and knew that my project was almost finished.  

The guy that does my CD Printing was there.  I soon learnt that he was alone and the boss was away for the day.  He had plenty of work but managed to make me top priority.  

Setting up the printer and letting off a draft copy, I started to get worried because the printer wasn’t working.  

How ironic that when I need something done so suddenly it doesn’t go to plan.  Well, it wasn’t ironic because the printer started working and the colors came out beautifully.  

The Fantasy Versus The Reality

When the draft copy came through, I was ecstatic with the print, but in some parts it was faded or the black was blotchy.  That was hardly noticeable, but I noticed it and I am a man of perfection.  To look at the CD you would probably be fascinated.  Lyssa will hopefully be in awe at the humor of it all.  

It only took me four days to create something so beautiful for Lyssa, but the lingering of Jewell’s CD took too long.  That shows I know exactly how I feel for Lyssa, but my feelings for Jewell were up in the air and controlled by fantasy.

Now the triangle’s flame has finally been extinguished from the third element.  Only now can I say that the whole momentum of the triangle’s saga has been diminished as one angle has fallen under its power.  

Doth the triangle break its wing and become a parallel counterpart.  Jewell hath been lost in mine mind so shalt thou be lost in existence.  Triangle hath been extinguished, flame of Lyssa and I are only existent.

The CD Is Finished

Today has been a fairly hectic day.  After some trouble in creating this CD, I’ve finally finished, with some help over two hours from the guy.  The CD artwork is magnificent, and I’d have to say my best creation so far.  The prints came out fairly good, not exceptional, but they look great.  

It’s only been four days since I started working on Lyssa’s CD and already I have created for her a masterpiece.  This is a great step for me as now I know I can handle workloads under pressure.  

The Return Train Trip Home

Walking out of there having paid the smaller amount, I also had some transparent jewel cases thrown in for free.  Now all I have to do is wrap the shit and give it to Lyssa and all will be done.  

Coming home on the train across Sydney Harbor Bridge, I caught a train from Central station back to Campbelltown.  

On the way home I was looking at the detail in the CD’s artwork.  Now I can’t wait to finally give Lyssa what would make her heart love all the more for the love I give to her.  

The Lebanese Guy

Walking home from Campbelltown I bumped into that Lebanese guy that sarcastically whistled at my girlfriend and then noticed me walking around with her.  Since that day we’ve had smiles for each other.  Today as we passed, we shook hands.  

Walking to ‘Sydney Fried Chicken’ I bought myself a Banana Fritter.  That was my first meal for the day.  

Timing My Run

Walking all the way back home, I’m here now.  Just getting home ten minutes ago at 3:40pm, I found out that Keith called me.  Like I hoped, Lyssa also gave me a call today at midday after I had left for the city.  

I tried giving Lyssa a call at home but the phone rang out.  There’s no chance she’s left for Parramatta yet, but I know she has to get back home, to get ready around 4:30pm.

Jewell’s Parcel Arrives

Another thing that I noticed while walking into my house after visiting the city was a huge parcel sitting on my bedroom floor. As soon as I had noticed that I knew that it was the parcel of Jewell’s.  

I looked at the parcel in disgust.  

This was what was giving me so much trouble in the year, all my mixed up emotions in fantasy which was created by Jewell and finished by me.  

Walking right past the parcel I didn’t want to open it because I don’t want to even think of Jewell anymore.  

So I walked upstairs.  I was just going to stash the parcel away in a dark place, but coming back downstairs I thought I should have the decency to open it, to see why the package was so big and what I had written to her to make it so big.

Knowing That It Is Finally Over

Opening the parcel, I noticed three packages within.  Two of them were CD packages.  The third made me confused.  It had Jewell’s address on there and it reminded me of the letter I sent to her on Thursday with all her letters in there.  Studying the envelope some more, I noticed that it was my envelope.  

Jewell must have waited for me to give her stuff back so she would know that it was real.  Jewell took the situation very seriously because she sent back the envelope from Thursday.  She obviously didn’t want any of my parchments as a reminder.  So now the memories are very distant and I know that Jewell and I are over. I knew that on Thursday and hoped it would happen this way.  

What surprised me was that Jewell also sent back the green nail polish I had bought for her, something I didn’t think she would include.  Nevertheless, she sent that.  I haven’t checked everything yet, just browsed through, but it seems like all my letters are there.

Trying To Find Lyssa

Once again I’ve tried to ring Lyssa but she’s still not home.  What’s going on?  Time is running out, and I don’t know where Lyssa is.  Trying her house again, the time is now 4:20pm.  Maybe she’s gone out to the movies again like last night or maybe she’s just out with Nikita or something.  Maybe she’s already left for Parramatta or has gone shopping, but no matter what it is, today I will see her no matter what it takes.  

Yes, I do miss Lyssa.  I have the ring that pierced my skin so long ago, the star and moon ring.  Listening to the CD and looking at the artwork it all makes sense to me now, as it will to Lyssa when she hears it.  

The CD should be a mystery until the last moment, so I’m going to try wrapping it up and only let Lyssa open it up when she’s not around me.  

This ring will probably be in my hand when I’m with Lyssa, until I finally give it to her.  Two presents and one big surprise.  How do you think she will feel?

Planning For A Celebration

Tonight is the night.  Lyssa and I will celebrate for the 21^st of the month.  All those pictures that I have of Lyssa and I together in the photo album I can look at once more without sadness.  

Luckily Jewell and I don’t have pictures together.  If we did, I would either put them away or throw them away.