‘Tis another day out of the Calendar year that I have something to account for and write in my Diary. Not a day goes by in my life where I don’t have a tale to tell. Today isn’t one of those days.
Trying to wake up at 7am today was too unbearable, so I turned my alarm off (which is my sound system) and went back to sleep. Not worried about the time factor, I thought to myself I should meet Lyssa in the City so I can help her shop.
Traveling Without A Train Ticket
Having a shower and getting ready I caught a bus to Campbelltown and then waited for a train. The day was hot but a humble heat was capturing my body, a nice day it was. The train took an hour to reach Sydney. Once again I traveled without a ticket.
Reaching Museum station in Sydney I jumped off in hopes of finding a ticket gate without an inspection man collecting tickets. Unlucky I was, as I walked the length of the railway station and could not see a break.
Traveling back to Central station I tried all exits, but they were all cramped up with employers of State Rail making it impossible to make my break.
Next, I tried St. James which I thought would have a ticket man there. I was right. Pissed off and angry, I walked back downstairs. With only a couple of minutes before I had to meet with Lyssa I started getting desperate.
I had intentions of visiting the SAE Academy of Audio Engineering before I met with Lyssa but those plans were now dissolved.
Under pressure, I thought I would try once more upstairs to see if there was a ticket man at St. James. Walking up the stairs I was in luck for a short while as I walked through the ticket gate and hurriedly, gathered my feet in time to meet with Lyssa.
Retail Shopping With Lyssa
Giving her a kiss I told her of my adventures, which made her vaguely interested. Walking to deliver the DX she was stressed because of her day at work. I had to stay back so she wouldn’t take it out on me. I started feeling like every time I would go out of my way to visit Lyssa in the City that I would get agitated because of Lyssa continually taking out her anger on me.
Delivering some mail we then walked to some shops, where Lyssa bought some pinstriped gray pants and a black jumper for work. Winter is coming.
While she was trying her clothes on I felt intimidated, bunched up in a store with many gorgeous girls shopping and occasionally bumping into me. That made me intimidated, so I waited outside where I had my space, didn’t look like a fool in a woman’s retail shop and could freely look at girls walk by if I wanted to.
Lunch In Sydney With Lyssa
Not missing out on the view outside, Lyssa came back out. I told her that I hadn’t eaten the whole day. Lyssa and I then walked into a food court on Pit Street. Lyssa bought me a seafood basket containing some tasty seafood snacks, as Lyssa bought herself a fruit salad.
Lyssa has started a diet now and won’t eat as badly as she thinks she has. Lyssa has seen what she thinks is an increase in her weight. She tells me she can’t fit into her size eight clothes anymore.
Secure Job Interview In Sydney
Also, while I was eating in the City with Lyssa, Brandon called from the CES on George Street. He told me he has a job he can send me on for tomorrow. It was quite a turn for Brandon to call me for a job. I always thought they didn’t give a shit, but I guess their conscience has finally caught up to them.
So there you go, I’m in the City every second day. Tomorrow I have an interview with a company called ‘Disk International’ where the position is an office assistant that deals with reception, word processing, filing and all other basic office duties. The position is near Wynyard at 10:30am. I wish myself good luck.
Shopping In Hound Dog
Having a beautiful meal (just like the seafood at Chili’s), we walked to Hound Dog where I felt more at home, even though it was mostly a woman’s retail shop.
Lyssa tried a shirt on as I patiently waited in the store for her. Pointing out a male employee that I thought Lyssa would like, she told me he was pretty fine. There were some pretty fine women trying outfits on in there. As Lyssa bought her top, we headed for SAE.
Quick Tour Of SAE Audio Engineering Academy
The walk was fairly long. I directed myself with the picture in my head of where I thought it was. Having no trouble finding the building, we walked in but I found I was too late to have a tour. SAE is one of the finer Audio Engineering Academies but it was only three stories tall which flattened my images of how large a company it would be.
An Affectionate Train Trip Home
A small look in SAE Audio Engineering Academy and we were off to Central Station. Lyssa helped me get through the ticket gates with me following right behind her. The train ride home I was very tired. I read a magazine I had picked up from SAE. After reading I sat with Lyssa and lay on her shoulder for support, as I closed my eyes and drifted off. I closed my eyes to try and get some sleep but found it hard.
Lyssa was reading her book. I put my hand on her leg in gratitude. She looked up at me. In a childish way we both smiled at each other. Then like a child, she kept the smile on her face and turned her head as so I couldn’t see her face. I started putting on my babying voice. We started giggling and tickling each other in front of the whole train.
After our fun, we held hands. I lay back to sleep, my tummy was getting upset. It was getting dark. By the time we reached Campbelltown, the full moon was in full view.
Waiting for Lyssa’s bus to arrive, I started to get pains in my stomach because of all the oil that was on my fish cocktail. Having to bend over myself and hold my stomach, Lyssa patted my back and comforted me.
Calling my dad as Lyssa’s bus was about to arrive, he agreed to pick me up. Lyssa’s bus arrived. She jumped on the bus and gave me a kiss before she left. Walking up the stairs, it took Lyssa a while to realize I could see her. As soon as she noticed me she put her little girly smile on and started waving like a child, saying hello to a man in a Ronald McDonald outfit. The same treatment was coming from me, as I was still crouched over because of the uncertainty in my stomach. Lyssa had left for home. Sometime later my dad came to pick me up.
A Cozy Relationship With Lyssa
Back at home I listened to Boyz II Men once again. Just before I was thinking about the CD for Jewell and just putting some thoughts together.
Lyssa gave me a call. We talked for a short while about what’s happening tomorrow and how I might be having lunch with her. Lyssa and I haven’t had a heart to heart conversation on the phone or in person for quite a while now. I can’t remember the last time Lyssa and I had a deep and meaningful on the phone or in my room at night. These days it’s always regular, nothing out of the usual, as the usual is now what would have been extravagant to us before.
Visiting Restaurants every week, meeting for lunch, shopping in the City and being with each other on weekends is normal for us these days. It’s no wonder that lately, Lyssa has been saying I don’t care for her as much. I care for Lyssa just as much but I think her self-esteem of her body is getting to her. That coupled with the situation with Jewell is making her believe I don’t love her as much as I did.
I am to blame for my mind being distracted many times through our relationship. Why should I need to go to strip clubs in the City by myself when I have my girlfriend? Why do I need to be admiring Nikita’s physique on occasion and why do I not hesitate in calling Jewell every second week? I have Lyssa don’t I?
In truth it doesn’t all come to being happy with my partner, some of it comes down to fantasy and things that should be out of bounds and out of reach to me. Some of it also comes down to competition. I want to make my life work for me, make my actions hard ones so that I can compete with myself.
I’m not sure what is happening. Is my state of thought heading back to the days when everything was up in the air? If my thoughts now get out of hand that’s what it will become. I will have to choose what is more important to me and to find out what infidelity plays or if it has anything to do with my life.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
