Jewell Becomes The Fantasy Girl – Mad Chaos: July 24, 1998

Lyssa Badgers Me With Questions

Back at home I was starting to procure a headache, so I ate some quick food, yogurt.  Eating away, I called Lyssa once finished.  I was surprised that no one answered the phone.  

Watching television, I called Lyssa back at 8pm because my mum had informed me that she called.  Lyssa was home this time.  I learnt that her call before was so she could get Ali’s number to ring Penelope.

Because I had a headache I was snappy at Lyssa.  I apologized for that.  

Lyssa was getting on my nerves always asking questions.

“Did anyone call you today?”

“Where did you go today?”

“Did you want to go now?”  

Always on my back with questions like that isn’t a way to keep me amused, so I snapped more than once.  

Lyssa is too persistent in needing to know, but so is everyone else.  It’s just so obvious her tactics to get information from me.  

Just before we finished talking for the night Lyssa invited me over her house on Sunday as a good gesture.  To me, I reckon that is just a test to see if I still care for her.  Well the truth is I do still care for her, otherwise I would have taken down all her possessions in my room.  For Sunday, I will consider it as an option.

Lyssa is going out on the weekend.  To me it’s not even an issue anymore.  

In the last two weeks I thought it would be good to get out on the weekends as not to get bored.  

In reality, weekends are just like a weekday, only with a different cultural tagging.  

Plus, if I went out with Ali, the consequences of the night would always evolve around Penelope.  That’s what you call crazy love.  Ali is too protective and Penelope is too unrealistic, lost amidst the daffodils and roses originating from her flower garden in her fairy playground.  Yes we all have to dream sometime, but when you’re constantly acting like the hemorrhoid king in battle with the toilet or in a trance as stars flutter around you, you won’t realize the Tetris game you have made or your life, soon enough anyway.

Discuss School With Jewell

Finishing my conversation with Lyssa, I turned my attention to the television for a while.  I then decided on calling Jewell at 8:40pm.  Jewell answered the phone.  

“Hello,” leading my voice to a whisper I greeted.

Feeling I had been ringing too often, I was softly spoken and cheeky at first.  

Out of my mood after a minute, we just started conversing as we normally do.  

Jewell told me of her day at school and how.

“I only have under fifty days left of school,” she said.

Because I felt I was intruding by calling often, I told Jewell, “We will only talk for half an hour tonight.”

How I was wrong.

Being Teased In Conversation

Jewell was mucking around on the computer so I thought I would teach her a lesson or two.  Jumping onto Microsoft Word I taught Jewell how to change the font, font color and how to change the format of text.  Jewell was intrigued, so I taught her a bit more.  I showed her the Thesaurus option.  She was cheering.

As the conversation progressed we started talking about superiority.  Then I illustrated how I had power in what I said to Jewell.  Jewell and I then started talking about superiority and how to be even.  My suggestion was to ask for something and blackmail with some other action.  

For example I mentioned, “You could convince me to clean the house if you would only allow me to use whip cream over her body.”

As you should know, that was my sinister way to twist the conversation to my liking as I do have power (read last night’s Diary entry for more details on that one).

Jewell and I gathered our thoughts.  Then we tried thinking of other ways to blackmail each other or rather, things that turned us on.  

Popping threesomes into the conversation, Jewell seemed very interested to talk about that subject.

“Let’s talk about that for a while,” she said.

  “A threesome is every guy’s fantasy,” Jewell noted, before she asked, “Is it true?” 

To even be having this conversation with Jewell so freely was astounding to me.  

Jewell Hints At Being Bisexual

Jewell spun me out tonight by speaking so openly about sexuality.  These days I’m having doubts about Jewell’s innocence because I know behind her small frame, she has more sinister sexual fantasies than me, which is great.  

Don’t believe her appearance and soothing smile, the devil would be afraid of this one.  

Jewell played out her opinions on threesomes.  

“Let me ask, are you attracted to girls too?”

“I have had thoughts of being bisexual,” she replied.

This shocked me almost instantly, talking to someone that has considered getting onto another girl in her mind.  As thoughts transversely flowed through my mind, Jewell made the opaque vision in my mind more transparent.

This contributed further to our conversation.

Jewell revealed, “If I ever was involved in a threesome, it would have to be thoroughly discussed with my partner and completely understood.  But I don’t want my partner to touch the other girl or become infatuated with her, because it would take love away from the relationship.   But I don’t mind getting onto a girl.”

Music to my ears I tell you.  

Sitting there listening to this, I noted that I wouldn’t mind being in that situation, watching my girlfriend get onto another girl in front of my eyes.  Not being able to hold myself back, I would begin on my girlfriend like wildfire, as she continued her welcoming embrace with our new partner.

Jewell revealed her fantasy of embracing with another girl but thoughts in her mind is as far as it’s gone.  Well, may I be the one to remedy that emptiness, because we all know you need a man’s touch to help you on your way to exploration.  Without the right push, Jewell would never have been through life knowing what women taste like.  I can help her… he, he, he.

Pondering on the notion that I also would like two girls pleasuring me at the same time, Jewell then opened the doors to a threesome of that kind.  Jewell is very jealous when it comes to other people touching me, but when I explain her exploits when she visits nightclubs in the near future, you will be taken back.

Sharing Nina’s Fantasy

Just briefly in our fantasy conversation I told Jewell of Nina’s fantasy that she told me one summer’s day in Airds.  Back in the day when Nina was going out with Lake (who has now passed away) she mentioned one of her fantasies to me, which made my bones quiver in fright.  Starting with a large bathtub or small pool, Nina fills it up with water, adds jelly and lets it set.  

In the first available moment her and her partner jump into this tank of wobbling lard that reminds me of the incessant oscillation in Pavlina’s upper body (starting with her love handles and working up to her large fifty cent nipples), yuck.  Nina’s fantasy, to have sex in a tub full of jelly and then devour the tasteful slobbered mess flavored with sweat and semen, not to mention the delicacies of o’ natural lady.

Trapped Within The Fantasy

This girl keeps surprising me I tell you.  Back in the days when I was going out with her she was an unopened flower.  Everything was new to her fifteen-year-old body.  I can’t blame her for being so frigid in the starting days of our relationship.  Who waits three weeks for their first kiss for god’s sake!   

Jewell was all sweet and innocent back then, until she dumped me for no real reason except for confusion.  When the fantasy was just beginning once again, our conversations over the phone changed from innocent to deceptive leading to infidelity within the mind.  As my torrid emotions began to swerve her way, I was trapped within the fantasy of having my perfect relationship.

Now that I’m where I am now I can say after tonight’s conversation I’m more confused.  But I am trying to gather my thoughts to land firmly and on solid ground.  Right now I really don’t know where to stand.  Jewell has changed from curious, to sexy to informative and now to deceptive.  

For now the truth is coming out of the woodwork.  Things like her five star hotel room, her increased openness to sexuality over the last three months (not to mention awareness) and her plans in life after eighteen that might not include me.

Jewell Eager To Be Eighteen

Conversing about nightclubs Jewell told me she can’t wait until that day comes when she turns eighteen.  To my keen ear, it sounds like Jewell is happy and persistent not because she wants to dance with her friends but because she wants to dance around with the male population there, to fool around.  

This kind of reminds me of that Michelle chick that I met one night when we were driving around.  I got her number and Ralf liked her friend.  The reason I wasn’t able to secure a night or two with her was that she was a party girl, she liked to go out clubbing.  If I went with her to a club I would have had a chance or seen her dancing up with six guys at the one time.  That’s the picture in my head right now when I think about Jewell anticipating her days at nightclubs.

Jewell then went on about how it’s changed Zola for the better.  I just can’t help thinking about all this one-sided information Jewell is receiving about nightclubs.  Sweet stories she has heard, but does she hear about the fights, the pinches on the ass by the druggos and all the bad drug habits?

“I’m not sure how I will act when I visit night clubs after I turn eighteen,” Jewell told me.

Inquiring, I asked, “Well, are you going there because there will be a lot of guys dancing in nightclubs too?”

Her answer was positive to that question.

I got the feeling that she would be dancing up on the guys.  

“I don’t think I would be able to control myself at nightclubs if I was going out with you,” Jewell continued.

But Jewell didn’t have everything straight in her head to know that.  For one, she doesn’t have me to make that judgment, and she hasn’t visited a nightclub yet.  

“Nightclubs aren’t a good idea if I was in a relationship because that is what broke Zola up with her boyfriend.  I don’t want nightclubs to be the reason I break up with my boyfriend,”Jewell told me.

Jewell won’t be sure about anything when she’s eighteen.  I started to get the idea that she wants to be free around that age.  Well if that’s the case, let it be, but let me have my time now.  If it was meant to be, Jewell and I would be together a year from now.  But if I am stopping Jewell from doing what she wants to do, then let her be herself.  Jewell visiting nightclubs wouldn’t be a problem as I’ve dealt with that situation before.  But hearing the uncertainty in Jewell’s voice, I have to think about that.

Jewell and I talked positively about the both of us being at nightclubs.  

I then told Jewell, “I wouldn’t like people trying to attract your attention while I was sitting down in a nightclub.  I’d rather start a fight with someone if that happened.  Or I would be really pissed off.”   

The Twisted Admirer At Work

Jewell then told me about a guy at work.  

“He had only seen me a couple of times at work.  One day he talked to me.  As we were talking I told him that poetry was one of my likes.”

What Jewell said was understandably harmless at the time.  She didn’t mean nothing by it.

Jewell continued, “Then he started dropping poems into my locker at work.  One day later he wrote me a song and dropped it off in my locker.  Do you want me to read it to you,” Jewell asked.

Jewell then read me the lyrics of the song.  Listening to the words, I knew this guy had a sadistic obsession with Jewell.

Since that day, this 26-year-old guy (where I guessed his age) gained Jewell’s number in the late hours of work (where he also works with her).  Jewell shared the story.

“He got my number somehow.  Then he started to call me at home.  One day, he popped over to my house and knocked on the door.  You know what he said?  He said he was just in the neighborhood.”

If you ask me, this guy is obsessive or on his way.  

Because Jewell didn’t have it in her nature to tell him “Get Lost” people at work put the hint out.  

“Things got better for a while.  I left for my holiday.  He stopped for a while.  But when I was back at work, there was another poem in my locker.”

In my bid to inform Jewell what I would do in her situation I accidentally used Lyssa’s name.  Quite innocent was the mistake.  I was talking so fast that I didn’t realize until a couple of seconds later.  

“You know you just called me Lyssa,” Jewell informed me.  

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.  “It was inevitable that it would happen one day.”

Anyway, after a short pause and silence we started back on our track to conversation.

How Jewell Became Talkative

All our constant conversation over the phone, Jewell is more open on the phone these days.  

“I was never always this talkative,” Jewell told me.

Only when I started calling Jewell every day did she start her habit of talking on the phone.  Talking to someone every day and for a length of time was new to Jewell, but I would like to think I brought that part out in her.  Nowadays, Jewell can’t stop talking to people on the phone.

Jewell Busily Sends Text Messages

Speaking about people that Jewell talks to, she received a couple of beeps from her mobile phone tonight, meaning there were messages there.  Not interested in who was sending the messages, I knew that Jewell would want to keep a certain blanket over the identity.  This was evident, as Jewell would read the message, not comment but only laugh and then write a message back.  That happened three times tonight.

The last time she received a text message I was intrigued as to what she was writing back.  Jewell couldn’t even tell me that.  

“You know what?  I don’t have to write anything to this person,” she decided and stopped writing text messages.  

So you be the judge.  Does Jewell have loose ends like me or is she completely lost for what she wants.

Nearing midnight, we talked for more than half an hour.  We had plenty to talk about.  Rather, the threesome thing took up most of our night because I just couldn’t get over the fact that Jewell was considering having a third person later in her life.  Knowing me, it will probably be sooner rather than later.  

When it was time to go, I made a joke.

“When we finish our conversation every night and I said bye… you know exactly what I mean.”  

Jewell cracked up laughing at that conclusion.  She knew I meant it in a sexually orientated way meaning she was bisexual.  

Saying goodnight to each other, we hung up the phone.

The Diary Bloats Out

Now here I am on the computer.  Now the time is 4:50am and I should be asleep now.  This month is almost over and I have no doubt that this Diary will reach 200 pages from the 185 pages we already have here.  In case I change any parameters of this Diary one day, let me just give you the details so you can go back upon it one day.  

The diary font is ‘Comic Sans MS’ the size of the font is 13.5 and there are fifteen centimeters of space to type within.  The top and bottom of the pages each have an inch of space between writing.  So there you have it.  

Now I am probably going to play the computer.  Then after half an hour of relaxing I’m going to relax some more and get some sleep.  Tomorrow I’m not visiting Frank.  Rather I’m taking it easy.