Work Income Versus Austudy Subsidies
Mondays are a day of hate for work and of future thought. Monday is the day I think of my future and what it is I’ll do. Monday is the day I think in my head that my life doesn’t have to be so complicated, that I don’t have to work long days, and that I don’t have to make all this money.
Before, I didn’t have to make a mint to live and I could live on government benefits. These days I’ll hardly survive on Austudy or fortnightly subsidies. There has to be work for me to survive in these times. That’s what shits me.
Looking Beyond Part Time Work
Today on the lead up to work for Martinson Engineering, walking in the summer breeze, I was thinking of when I should resign. There are plenty of other things I can do apart from where I am now. I’ve wanted to join a TAFE course or even the photography course, but I’m working or don’t have the time or not even put enough thought into it.
I’m ready to start learning at an Institute. It will ease my mind and decrease my stress. I’m not ready for full time work yet, not at this company anyway. If in the chance I do attend an institutional course I’ll still have to work on a part time basis to keep the cash flow rolling. There’s no easy ways.
Monday is no doubt one of the most depressing days of the week and undoubtedly the longest. The day of spent fortunes and weighted expectations.
Lyssa Says Break Ups Are Final
As Lyssa and I talked of Jewell last night, I am wondering how she is doing. If I give her a call soon then she might not like it, but then again she will always settle down to the fact that I called to say hello.
Something made me think yesterday when I was talking to Lyssa. She told me that when me and her are through, then we are through. If we were ever to break up then she wouldn’t come back to me on the basis that the only reason we would have broken up would be because of a disagreement or fight.
That took me aback because I always believed that the first time isn’t always the last time.
I’ve always thought that the people I grow feelings for now and leave to another day, I will always keep an eye on, keep in contact with. Blissfully waiting upon the day when we embrace again with a better reasoning than the time when we were less mature and had other intentions on our mind.
What I Want In A Relationship
Right now I’m not out for a good time and a commitment too great in proportion. If Lyssa and I were meant for each other (or any one else for that matter), then we would be back together later on in life when thoughts of everlasting and tranquility in marriage are on both our minds.
All that I’m thinking of now is living, having a good time with Lyssa beside me to embrace in the moment.
To be serious, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like without Lyssa, without someone beside me to turn to when the worst comes forward. I’ve grown to depend on her and she has grown to depend on me. Without her I would be lost, because I know that I love her. She just isn’t sure how I feel.
Out of the words of my Diary, I could make one thousand poems and one hundred songs, that’s how much inspiration and emotion I think is within these pages. I’m just adding to the never ending words that are placed here.
Before I cap today off I just want to think of this. I just think it’s curious how I had seen Pavlina at a party that Lyssa and I attended three long months ago. She was the topic of conversation at the time and I wanted to know how she felt.
Seeing Pavlina By Chance
Out of the blue I saw Pavlina again walking to Bradbury shops. Before all this time I’ve never laid eyes on her for so long. We had a conversation, she left and I was never to see her again. The moral of the story is, it’s funny how things come together by chance or coincidence.
The subject that I was curious about came to me and then disappeared when I stopped thinking. It’s just like I’ve never seen Jewell while I’ve been with Lyssa. Never. But when I stop seeing her, coincidence will happen.
I will be depressed somewhere, maybe in Campbelltown. I will see Jewell and we will talk in a place that I go to all the time but have never seen Jewell there before. In a place where I’d never expect to see her but end up seeing, by coincidence, after all is changed. Strange.
Diary Of A Mad Chaos is a daily diary written from March 1996 until today, of which individual books and book series have been created, namely “The Lost Years” an exploration of young, entwined love, the “Wubao In China (猎艳奇缘)” book series which provides an extensive comparative analysis of the cultural differences between Eastern and Western societies, and the book titled “Foreigner (华人)” an exploration of race relations in Australia.
