Mad Chaos: Tuesday, September 3, 1996

Diary Of A Mad Chaos

Thinking Of Kathryn

The question I am asking myself today is, “can I ever get tired of Kathryn?”  When she comes down will she be like I picture her and will she look like I want her to?  What really gets me is to think if she is thinking of me with equal thought and passion.

I can’t but help thinking that in the back of her mind she really does want me, and badly, but she just tries to not show it in public.  It’s like every time I ask Nina about her it’s a casual “Oh yeah, she’s still interested but seeming how Nina thinks of herself, I’m wondering how she is feeling.

Who Will I Marry

There comes a time when a man has to make some choices and two of those choices are “Am I going to get married” and seeming I am planning to get married someday, the question is “Who in the fuck will it be?”

I am almost completely ruling Kathryn out and not because I don’t show that kind of affection for her, but that a lot has to be done for us to get together and make that decision happen.  And also we are too young, and marriage is too far away (I want to get married around 23), to decide who the lucky woman will be.  The good thing about this relationship that we have is the spontaneity that we have.

When Kathryn and I see each other again we will be together for at least one month.  In that time we will greatly treasure the moments that we have together, because we know that in time it will all be over…. again.

I honestly don’t know how I have gotten this far without seeing her and I definitely can’t wait to see her sweet face again.

Yep, I’m stoking up already on condoms for my expedition this January with Kathryn.  If she’s on the pill then I’m extra ready for her tour.

Where My Motivations Lay

As usual, I’m listening to Mariah Carey again and that’s what’s sparked this thought off.

Since last that Kathryn has seen me, I have changed a whole lot, and I’m still changing, and that’s good because thinking of how that experience changed me, it makes me wonder how she has changed.

This now gives me momentum to work out harder tomorrow at my training session, and work hard I will, because she is my true motivation.  Thinking about her and thinking about looking better every time I see her makes me feel more in touch with myself, and makes me feel better knowing she’s probably doing the same.

Thoughts On Domestic Fight

My life this month has broken down a bit but, I’m putting the pieces back together.  Me and my brother are still fighting and it shouldn’t be long before we both realize that there is no real point to us fighting and we’ll just drop it.

Visit Tatton

Tatton has already realized that and I did make the first step to make him feel better.  I rang him up today about 3 times and then he answered when he was home.  I went over and then we went to my house and fucked around a bit with the idea about our group for rapping.

Also today I sat with Bình on the bench in Centennial park – or whatever it is in front of his shop – and we absorbed the sun and just had a good time talking about TaekwonDo and shit.

I also got my bike fixed and just played the piano a bit before this.

Discuss Photo Shoot With Pari

I also saw Pari while I was down in Campbelltown.  He was going to the gym.  I went up and talked to him about the photo shoot, and we agreed that after his exams are finished in November then we will think about doing a photo shoot just before the year ends, and just a few days before or after Christmas.  That gives me 3 months to bulk up a bit more and have a bit of mass on my physique.

I now weight about 75 Kilos.  I vow to weigh way over 80 Kilos before the day comes.

I’m going to have a good tan from a natural and fake tan and I am going to be cardiovascularly fit due to cicycle riding, Taekwondo and maybe some swimming chucked in there.

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